Dear Camille, I regret…

Dear Camille,

Today is your birthday.

I open my journal to share something with you.

We met in dance class at university in 1983.

We found our way to each through dance, through arts and crafts, through books, through pie.  And through letters.

We intertwined our bodies in the studio and on stage.

I regret we could not express our queerness and ace-ness in the eighties.

We were trying to fit into a heteronormative world.  We had no role models.

We both clumsily lost ourselves and eventually each other.

I regret that I was not mature enough to be fully open with you.

I regret we lost touch as I was caring for my parents and going through hardships.

You died by suicide in 2007.

I regret I could not care for you when you were ill.

Thank you to artist María Hesse, whose art I am deeply inspired by.  By interpreting and altering her work in my journals, I am able to process anxiety and depression.

“I think copying someone’s work is the fastest way to learn.” – Lynda Barry

My retreat journal Part 5 of 6: The Dance

I experienced a life-changing weekend as I co-facilitated Creativity and Connection Retreat October 17-19, 2014 on Bowen Island with Laura Mack at Xenia Retreat

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Here are some journal excerpts so you can get a small glimpse as to how powerful the experience was for me.

Recall:

PART 1 October 17, 2014 FRIDAY INTO SILENCE

PART 2 October 18. 2014 SATURDAY MORNING INTO THE LABYRINTH

PART 3 October 18, 2014 SATURDAY MIDDAY THE CYCLOPS GODDESS

PART 4 October 18, 2014 SATURDAY AFTERNOON THE SYMBOLS WAY

PART 5 October 18, 2014 SATURDAY NIGHT: THE DANCE

After lunch, Laura took two participants through the Symbols Way process.  Beautiful and profound moments and insights.  

We had a labyrinth drawing break before dinner- we added the labyrinths to the Cyclops Goddess.  A friend came by who lives on Bowen Island and joined us for dinner; she gave me a beautiful book as a gift from her SFU class: The Flight of the Hummingbird.  Again- magical connections as the theme of the book is the power of taking small steps to achieve a big goal.  “I am doing what I can.” – Dukdukdiya.  Recall the LEAP OF FAITH theme this weekend!

After a lovely salmon dinner and chats about restorative justice and all that good stuff, we headed back to the yurt for the final process.  I loved the experience of scribing for the participants and gathering information for them as a take away tool.  Then dessert and I moved my things into the Writer’s Retreat cabin to have the experience of that cozy lodging.  

At 9 PM we all returned to the yurt to dance.  Intense muscle memory came back and I literally gave myself to the dance.  I was stunned, relieved, at ease, grateful…  Obviously, I will feel it in my joints and muscles tomorrow [I actually didn’t!  My body is loose and pain free] but my soul was thankful to revisit the dancer- who is seemingly alive and well.  

         

How could I have left her so dormant?  

She wasn’t dead.  She was dormant.  

Like the floor of Death Valley covered in flowers after a rare rainfall.  Seemingly nothing grows there until the right conditions arrive.  

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I allowed myself to welcome back the dancer- “dance” in the schedule was the one thing that made me hesitate more than the anticipation of darkness.  

Stay tuned for Part 6: The Closing Circle

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Dance, dance, otherwise we are lost. – Pina Bausch

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PINA is a feature-length dance film in 3D with the ensemble of the Tanztheater Wuppertal Pina Bausch, featuring the unique and inspiring art of the great German choreographer, who died in the summer of 2009.

PINA is a film for Pina Bausch by Wim Wenders.

He takes the audience on a sensual, visually stunning journey of discovery into a new dimension: straight onto the stage with the legendary Tanztheater Wuppertal Pina Bausch ensemble, he follows the dancers out of the theatre into the city and the surrounding areas of Wuppertal – the place, which for 35 years was the home and centre for Pina Bausch’s creativity.

SOURCE

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