Fear and resistance on a Monday morning. #Journal

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The more scared we are of a work or a calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.

~ The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

I am answering a call.  More on that soon.

Yet still I struggle with the same old anxieties around money.  I am taking steps, mind you, but my anticipated financial overhaul/debt consolidation will be “delayed” for a few months as I wait until late Spring for the value of my home to increase to make the overhaul have any significant significance.  I say “delayed” with quotation marks for I sense I use that word because a voice in me constantly “encourages” me (annoyingly) to avoid taking any other action now that is just as helpful as a financial overhaul.   

But I cannot delay any longer! I’ve said it beforeOnly by accepting that all is ok in this moment, no matter where all the accounts stand, can I weigh those options, make bold moves, and ALLOW CHANGE.  It’s time to manage the moola…

But what I have done now, that is different from before, is that I have accepted to REALLY ACKNOWLEDGE what steps I need to take to allow for more income by following the direction of where my soul flows– the soul-lifting areas with incredible expansion potential- and to move away from the areas where I am only treading water and losing energy because of it.

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I am too old to not take the “risk,” to not answer the call and to not give these opportunities I find myself in everything they deserve.  IT’S TIME.  These new opportunities deserve my FULL ME.

[Resistance is] any act which disdains short-term gratification in favor of long-term growth, health or integrity. Or, expressed another way, any act that derives from our higher nature instead of our lower. Any act of these types will elicit Resistance.

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

And I embrace that, despite the tendency of being hard on myself for being in the struggle, EVERYTHING I have experienced to this point is actually empowering me!

EVERYTHING.  The shit and the sunshine, as my Dad would say.

So what am I actually feeling when I am fearing?  Fear is just old triggers reminding me of getting report cards in school and feeling judged and feeling stupid and never good enough.  Fear is just the increased blood pressure pushing blood through my veins a little faster.

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Fear is my heart beating loudly, stuck at the starter gate [resistance], desperate for the signal to break free and RUN!

Well I howl now!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Out of the starter gate.  Jumping off the cliff. Forming wings on the way down.

Beautiful and free.  And fearless.  Created by my nephew Henrik during his summer holiday. Age 22 months.
Beautiful and free. And fearless. Created by my nephew Henrik during his summer holiday. Age 22 months.

She wasn’t falling.

She was soaring.

– Carolyn Riker

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Happy Birthday, Cher of @EcoBravoBlog! #greenmom

A huge happy birthday to my sweet and beautiful sister-in-law, Cher Hanusiak!

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She is one of the most amazing people I know and a supermom to my nephew, Henrik.

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Check out Cher’s inspiring blog, EcoBravo!

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Ecobravo highlights eco-friendly and socially responsible products, services, people and design. Cher shares her passion for all things gorgeous and friendly to the precious world we live in and the people we love.

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Holding on or letting go… lessons from my nephew.

As I watch my nephew taking his steps towards his independence, I am struck with the battle we all struggle with between holding on and letting go.

Just by watching Henrik, I find a metaphor for those battles inside myself.

From the simple holding on to the pinky finger to feel safe- to letting go of the perceived safety net and taking those steps…

To finding simple treasures and admiring them for a moment, enjoying the lift the experience gives, then flinging them back…

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To voraciously holding on, ingesting all that life has to offer, feeling grounded in the holding on to the known, seeking more by grabbing more, collecting no matter what or how…

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To just observing life and death and its wonders, allowing, flying, being light…

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To revisiting and redoing, reassessing, keeping, holding, allowing…

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Breathing through the fear and blocks…

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And drawing through it.  Always drawing through it…

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All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. ~Havelock Ellis

“Boid.” BIRD, bird, BbIiRrDd… how my 18-month-old nephew made my crow drawing a masterpiece.

Step 1.Review the alphabet.
Step 1.Review the alphabet.
Have a nap and snack.
Step 2. Have a nap and snack.
Paint. Paint. Paint the "boid."
Step 3. Paint. Paint. Paint the “boid.”
Stay free!  Express!  Put your whole body and soul into it.
Step 4. Stay free! Express! Put your whole body and soul into it.

Completed interactive art:

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DRAWING TUTORIAL 1 CROW:

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You will need:

• Paper

• Charcoal

• Dry pastel (one bright color)

• Eraser

• Scissors

• White Acrylic paint

• Fine brush

Full-length tutorial now available on VIMEO!

LINK

$2 for 72 hours access!

ENJOY!!!