SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES
PART 4b OF 8
We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series. It is inspired by Caroline Myss. The journal series is an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along.
Recall Part 1: Future and Present where we took time to look at where we would like to be, and where we are in this moment.
In Part 2: Where are your energy leaks? we focused on our body signals and biography makes biology.
In Part 3: What Masks Do We Wear? we examined the masks we wear to protect ourselves from being vulnerable.
In Part 4a: What is your true nature? we listened to our inner selves.
We are getting at what makes us tick. What makes our heart race- with fear? With passion? What is our calling? What path do we journey along that allows us to live in the flow, fully? What stream to we rush against? There is never a full answer. Or the answer changes, daily, fluidly. It’s worth taking time to take note. In keeping with our body signals that we explored in Part 2: Where are your energy leaks?, today I am truly allowing my body signals to guide me. That includes my dream state and my awake state.
I invite you to journal/draw in the moment, reflecting on the past week, past 24 hours, your latest sleep and examine the messages.
My journal entry [unedited]:
I’m feeling headachy, thick-headed. swollen eyes, blurry eyes, focus of energy leaks all around the temple, top of my head.
Things that come to mind:
Trust, intuition, seeing, eye, the brow, not hiding away, allowing input, observing, visualizing, closing eyes, quiet, sleep, no talking, allowing alone time, reading, visual ingestion, imagination.
[Where do these body signals sit on the chakra chart? May as well pay attention!]
Third eye. Intuition, intellect, visualization, imagination, reasoning. Brain, eyes, ears, nose, pineal gland.
A week of 6th chakra- of blurry bleary vision and the cyclical dance of guilt, shame and lack of trust (differing from distrust) culminating in achy heart and headaches and stuffy nose. Message?
A wave of melancholy washed over me last night. It wasn’t the exterior, crushing cut of shame, or the interior acid of anxiety- it was an immersion in a pool of deep melancholy, of missing, of nostalgia.
It was absolute grief and missing. I was not anxious about the feeling. Just… melancholy. I fell into a sleep stupor. I dreamt my parents pulled into my garage (their garage?) and I was on my stairs (their stairs?), and they both seemed so unhappy. They were two broken people and profoundly sad and distant in their relationship.
Dad came up the stairs first- walking (!) towards me. Just walking from mom towards me.
Mom got out of the car and began walking up the stairs too- with a sad look, but weary smile.
I knew that in my home they could find a refuge. The air of melancholy lingered.
I found Dad’s day-timer on my kitchen table. In it he had written It is a good day in each date that had passed.
I woke with the exhaustion of having cried profoundly. The pool of melancholy now in my head. Inky pool. No stuff in it. Just an ink-wash. Uniform.
I can dilute it. Cleanse it. With clear water.
What is my body telling me? It was not my role to make my parents happy, but I made it my role. And I am hyperly aware of that tendency to play that role. I am profoundly in touch with savouring my solitary, creative life. My role is not a role now. I just am.
The pool flows downward towards my heart. Cools down and neutralizes the chest and leaks outward through my pores as a bright light.
There are no answers here. It just is.