The darkening cathedral: processing the emotion of missing. #grief #saudade #journalexercise

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North Vancouver, December 27, 2012

I feel myself intertwined in the confusion of grief again.  It’s caught up to me and it wants to attach itself to my muddled brain as I try to sift and mindmap my next steps and make necessary changes to achieve emotional and financial balance in my life.  So as I am prone to do, I take out my “toolbox” and journal it out.  To sift through and detach, to clear the mind.

FIND IMAGERY AND POETRY THAT SPEAK FOR YOU.

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Mt. Seymour, North Vancouver, December 27, 2012

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The overhead horizon.  They want to say something, the dead.

They smoke but don’t eat, they breathe but still have their voices.

I’ll hurry through the streets as if I’m one of them.

The darkening cathedral, heavy as a moon, ebbs and flows.

– Tomas Tranströmer, Deep in Europe from For the Living and the Dead (translated from original Swedish by Don Coles)

Avlyssnad horisont.  De vill säga något, de döda.

De röker men äter inte, de andas inte men har rösten kvar.

Jag kommer att skynda genom gatorna som en av dem.

Den svartande katedralen, tung som en måne, gör ebb och flod.

– Tomas Tranströmer, Djupt i Europa from För levande och döda.

DIGEST AND REGURGITATE.

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I feel cleansed and ready to face it all.  To make it work!  To LEAP!  Love you, Mom and Dad.

Recall my post on SAUDADE:

Saudade is a unique Portuguese word that has no immediate translation in English.  Saudade describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves.  It often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing will never return.  It’s related to the feelings of longing, yearning.  

Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again…  It can be described as an emptiness and the individual feels this absence…  In fact, one can have ‘saudades’ of someone whom one is with, but have some feeling of loss towards the past or the future.

source

See also:

Life has no opposite

Healing sock monkey watching over Dad

Document it.  All of it.

We’ve become a band of gypsies

Dad’s inner work

Dad’s last day

A pencil box. Regarded with reverence.

Change.  What does it mean?

Drawn Together

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Mt. Seymour, North Vancouver, December 27, 2012

Part 23 daily journal workshop. GYPSY. #arttherapy

gypsy One inclined to a nomadic, unconventional way of life.

You need not travel to be a gypsy.  You need not be forced to.  You can embrace the gypsy spirit through unconventionality.  I once wrote: “the greatest sin is timidity.”  I referred to myself holding back.  Restraining myself.

So cut the fucking cord and fly.  Even while in your pj pants.

Draw what gypsy means to you.  I’m hopping into my bed with a coffee and my journal and seeing where the pen takes me:

Shirley MacLaine, Bob Fosse and the broadway dancer have always epitomized gypsy to me.

 

This post is dedicated to annatfabulous, mystictaint and all their gypsy friends and ways.  They remind me everyday about the beauty of freedom within and unbridled living without.

Daily Journal Workshop:

Part 1 JUST WRITE

Part 2 DRAW OUT THE WORDS

Part 3 HEART

Part 4 SPILL OUT COLLAGE

Part 5 NAKED SCREAM

Part 6 INVITE ALTER STRETCH EXTEND

Part 7 ARISE AROSE IN 3’S

Part 8 SELF-PORTRAIT. HUMAN

Part 9 WORD CRAZY QUILT

Part 10 VINTAGE WORKOUT

Part 11 GESTURE DRAWING

Part 12 DEAR WORLD. SECRETS

Part 13 NEGATIVE – POSITIVE

Part 14 BE THE MAP

Part 15 GUEST SPEAKER

Part 16 COMICS!

Part 17 ALTER

Part 18 SURVIVOR

Part 19 CANCER

Part 20 WORTH

Part 21 SELF-HARM

Part 22 EXTRAORDINARY CIRCUMSTANCE