Soul work… my 2016 Toolkit

You may recall, I set my intention for 2016- to simply meet it all with love.  Yet I knew it was important to take the time to do soul work.  But it’s been hard, so very hard to get “started” on it.

Yet- that’s not really correct…  Actually, I have started.

I have been collecting soul work to do’s.   I’ve been preparing.

So yesterday, I thought allotting myself a two-hour window to create a mind-map of my vision and goals would suffice.  I was expecting to be able to share it quickly with my daughter, Anna, and with Patti, over a simple Skype chat.  I predicted an 18″ x 24″ piece of paper.  No, no, no.

This 2016 toolkit is taking a lot longer than I expected.

But I finally committed to it last night.  I created a toolkit last night in an old, recycled journal (a leftover from my work with youth on the Downtown Eastside).  I collected, cut, pasted, organized.  It’s ready to go.  And I’ll do a few at a time.

My personal toolkit contents includes a variety of empowering tools I’ve developed or gathered from my network.  All too good to forget so I just kept adding to the list. A toolkit to visit in bits and pieces, as needed, throughout the year.

My list:

  1. Vision board: take out my vision board from 2013- review it, re-evaluate.  Collage a new one.
  2. Read Anna’s goals and visions.
  3. Write a scenario of my story at age 64.
  4. Where do I see myself in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years: personal, career, health.
  5. Answer the 10 questions that matter list.
  6. Go through current to-do’s and review.  Start a new calendar.
  7. Redo my 12 journal exercises project.
  8. Do core values worksheet.
  9. Mindmap– review old ones, create a new one.
  10. Do the Inquiry process– archetypes and shadow-work.
  11. What kind of bird am I? Study its symbolism.
  12. The Power Path– review in detail and mind-map the monthly forecast.
  13. Answer the Soul Prompts questions.
  14. Explore post-traumatic growth creativity.
  15. Write out the checklist: 25 things you need to let go before the new year.
  16. Write out a bibliography of my favorite creativity books.
  17. Acknowledge my history.
  18. Street art.
  19. Community– build it.  Honor it.  “Remember to rely heavily on your spiritual practice, your allies and your community.”  The Power Path
  20. Redo Peter Breeze’s exercise.  Write a letter to my future self.  Write a letter as my future self to myself today.
  21. Embrace your expertise and take imperfect action.
  22. Re-visit my favorite websites: Rebelle Society, Paid to Exist, Heroic Trading Co, Right Brain Business Plan, Start with Why.
  23. Review my 2013 manifesto and business plan.
  24. Pull angel cards and create daily ritual.
  25. Rethink EVERYTHING.  Scratch that.  Simplify.  Focus on the one goal and let everything else feed that.
  26. And remember- let go when overwhelmed and just meet it all with love!

This morning I awoke pretty frozen by anxiety (a variety of typical right-now reasons).

Larger scale inner RESETS are often accompanied by intense experiences of some kind that threaten the ego and false personality and may even cause one to feel like you are going a little crazy or completely falling apart. The Power Path January 2016 Forecast

Instead of drowning in it though, I dragged myself through the morning then finally  yanked out the toolkit I prepped last night and dragged it to a coffee shop, grabbed a coffee and sat outside and forced myself to write through tears, through fear:

Journal entry Jan 13 2016
Journal entry January 13, 2016

After I got that out of my system, I addressed item 19:  “Remember to rely heavily on your spiritual practice, your allies and your community.

I texted my daughter and my friend/agent Peter for some much-needed good vibes.  Got some fabulous get your head out of your ass (Anna) advice.

Everything is as it should be.  U just need to allow (Peter).

Draw an angel card (Anna).

The sun came out as their multiple texts rolled in.

I decided to continue on the self-care focus for the rest of the day.  Do the toolkit.  Do the toolkit.  So I am taking my time, allowing, trusting and doing it.

For example:

Item 11: what kind of bird am I?

My sister-in-law asked me that question the other day as we reflected on my street art project.

After much thought, I really feel it is the Sparrow.  I always stop and observe birds.  But there is something in particular that I connect with in the Sparrow.

The Sparrow reflects self-worth.   If a Sparrow totem has entered your life, ask yourself if you know your own self-worth.  The Sparrow will show you that even a common little bird can triumph.

The Song Sparrow reflects the chakra energy awakening from the heart and throat.  It reminds us to sing out our own song of dignity and self-worth. [source]

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Item 12 The Power Path January 2016 Forecast mind-map:

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Item 1: Review vision board from 2013:

My nephew, Henrik, fully immersed himself in the process with me
My nephew, Henrik, fully immersed himself in the process with me, Feb 2013

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I look at pertinent quotes on the 2013 vision board and make a found poem:

How to survive going nowhere?

What she said:

We change into our capes in a telephone booth-

and take on the world’s evolving challenges.

Referring to myself: 

Ways to stay up in the air?

New York

Item 24: Pull angel cards and create daily ritual.

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Beauty is the quality of being pleasing, especially to look at, or someone or something that gives great pleasure, especially when looking at it

The conception for beauty is used or studied in art, sociology, social psychology, and culture. An “ideal beauty” is an entity which is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture, for perfection.

The experience of “beauty” often involves an interpretation of some entity as being in balance and harmony with nature, which may lead to feelings of attraction and emotional well-being. [source]

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The journey continues.  I will indeed meet it with love and trust I’ll have some pressing issues sorted.

Everything is as it should be.

Much love, Kat

 

… everything that remains unsolved in your heart.

I was at the grocery store the other day purchasing food for a youth grad event, about an hour before I needed to be there and I STOPPED.  I couldn’t go forward; I couldn’t go back.  I had no idea what to buy.  I was dizzy.  I couldn’t see or think clearly.

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I knew in my heart, I didn’t want to be there in that moment.  I simply had had enough.  It’s not the work itself per se, nor the amount of work- it was the deep-rooted anger I felt DEEP in my heart directed DIRECTLY at myself.

For right before that moment, standing there in that grocery store, I had been emailing to get paid for other work… I was scrambling, still fucking scrambling, for scraps where I could get them– at the age of 52.  Fifty-two. That anger stopped me.

I am too smart for this, too talented, too valuable, too underused, too old for this, too dumb to figure it out.  Too tired of still struggling.

I was done.  Trapped.  In that moment.  With the past weighing on me.  The old familiar.  So weary of it.

His vision, from the constantly passing bars,
has grown so weary that it cannot hold
anything else. It seems to him there are
a thousand bars; and behind the bars, no world.

As he paces in cramped circles, over and over,
the movement of his powerful soft strides
is like a ritual dance around a center
in which a mighty will stands paralyzed.

Only at times, the curtain of the pupils
lifts, quietly–. An image enters in,
rushes down through the tensed, arrested muscles,
plunges into the heart and is gone.

― Rainer Maria Rilke, The Panther

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But the food was eventually bought.  The grad was amazing.  The youth were elated and celebrated.  Seeing their smiling faces I knew what the point of all the work is.  I always know that.  I am drawn, always drawn, to facilitating successful experiences for youth in my community.

But I also know, that frozen moment in time was a wake up call.

I need to take stock of how far I’ve come, take stock of the unbelievable leaps forward.  Knowing, I can no longer accept a scarcity frame of mind.

THAT IS THE CHANGE I MUST NOW MAKE.  To change my neural pathways so they don’t keep charging with the familiar fear of mind- scarcity.

The connections I have been making in the community are coming to fruition.  I am reaching out.  And it’s working.  I am collaborating, and it’s working.  I am asking for help and it’s working.

I celebrate the amount of work it has taken me to get me to this point of STARTING FRESH.

So despite the frozen moment, asking myself, no… yelling at myself- WHY ARE YOU STILL IN THIS SPOT?, I breathed into it, laughed it out, and realized-

I AM NOT IN THE SAME SPOT, motherfucker.  I am about to fly.  I have not been dumb.  I have been BUILDING.

PREPARING.

READY TO LIVE IN THE ABUNDANT STATE OF MIND.

I got some incredible and timely gifts from my friend, Laura, yesterday.  And could the quotes be any more perfect for this moment, right here, RIGHT NOW?

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My friend, Patti, reminds me to allow the unknown.  To rest in the don’t know mind.  And that tool is working.

I know it’s never perfect.  It never will be.  It’s deliciously imperfect.  And unresolved.  And confusing.  And it is life.

The delicious BLOOD AND GUTS of LIFE.

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“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
…live in the question.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Part 20 daily journal workshop. WORTH #arttherapy

Let’s take a look at the concept of worth.

Write about it.  Then draw “ME” over your words.

Pull out the words covered by “ME.”

Draw an eye.  Recall tutorial.  Draw tears coming out.  Large, bloated tears.

Write the ME words in the tears.

Find a quote you like about worth, self-worth, self-esteem etc.

I picked:

If you let yourself be truly seen, then you can be truly loved. – SARK

Add it to your eye.  Any way you like.

Now color.  Try some dry pastel.

It’s lush and you can get right in there.

You can “fix” it easily with hairspray to stop it from smudging.  Plus hairspray makes the color bleed through the page nicely.

WORTH IT

Howework:

Collect some images around self-harm.

Daily Journal Workshop:

Part 1 JUST WRITE

Part 2 DRAW OUT THE WORDS

Part 3 HEART

Part 4 SPILL OUT COLLAGE

Part 5 NAKED SCREAM

Part 6 INVITE ALTER STRETCH EXTEND

Part 7 ARISE AROSE IN 3’S

Part 8 SELF-PORTRAIT. HUMAN

Part 9 WORD CRAZY QUILT

Part 10 VINTAGE WORKOUT

Part 11 GESTURE DRAWING

Part 12 DEAR WORLD. SECRETS

Part 13 NEGATIVE – POSITIVE

Part 14 BE THE MAP

Part 15 GUEST SPEAKER

Part 16 COMICS!

Part 17 ALTER

Part 18 SURVIVOR

Part 19 CANCER