The umbilical cord. Mother-daughter journal series. PART 1: Accepting the task.

AS I MOVE FORWARD INTO NEW CHAPTERS IN MY LIFE, I HAVE DECIDED THAT IT IS TIME TO FOCUS FULLY ON ME.

(Hello, me!

IT IS FINALLY TIME TO PROCESS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER AND ALL THE DELICIOUS, SCARY, INTERESTING, HEART-WARMING, DEEEEEEEEP EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS, BLOCKAGES, PATTERNS ETC. THAT COME UP.

FULLY READY.  EXCITED.

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My mother was extremely private. She wore a mask of perfection and medicated away her anxieties, but she longed for disclosure and process and the joy of self-discovery.  I am not private.  So I will share the ride with you and perhaps this will encourage you to take your own journaling path through the blockages that repeatedly come up in your life.  And in this way, I take my mother along for the ride with us.

Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her and all those who will come after her.

– Christiane Northrup, MD

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THE UMBILICAL CORD

PART 1: ACCEPTING THE TASK

Write for 20 minutes (stream of consciousness) around the theme.

Try not to censor or edit yourself or hesitate when moving the pen across the paper.

My journal entry January 18, 2013:

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As I find myself in low places again, struggling with self-esteem issues and blaming myself when circumstances become complicated and unbearable, I know it is time to address the most complicated and intertwined relationship in my life, my relationship with my mother.

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My mother was an integral part of researching Molly, and indeed the book is dedicated to her.   The book itself centres around the theme of “the mother,” so it is an appropriate (and necessary) time for me to address the theme in my own life.  Drawn Together was a father-daughter story and in it I only touch on my mother.

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But I have longed to fully work on the aspects in my life that block me, drive me, make me spectacular, make me weak, fearful, small, make me the mother that I am.  Make me judge myself, make me follow my passions.  Address our commonalities and differences,  Work through the repeated patterns.  Break them, embrace them, celebrate them, make new ones.

Figurine by mom's best friend, Johanna Vermeer.
Figurine by mom’s best friend, Johanna Vermeer.

It is appropriate that I use this journal, which is also my Molly journal.  Only by addressing and healing my issues re: my mother can I authentically tell Molly’s story.

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