I have been on a bit of blog-haitus of late.  Just experienced an amazing pull back into the past as a dear friend spent 9 days here visiting from Sweden.  We dove deep.  Real deep.  Drenched in Swedish.  Endless necessary exhilarating conversation.

Fully open and torn open- finding old wounds long hidden- releasing them.

Reflecting on all the milestones achieved.  All the losses experienced.

Understanding that I had to lose SO MUCH and grow through the loss in order to be fully my obligation-free artist self and to be present for what lies ahead.

Everything has fallen away and I am left standing, realizing I can take any direction now.  Any direction.

Holy shit- I could panic.  I could freak out.  But really- what this nakedness is… is FREEDOM.

I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive. – Henry Miller

Sure, I have been doing some outreach.  I have been weighing the options.  I send out my CV and build arts-based programming opportunities in the community, yet all the while I maintain focus on my key passion-project: Molly.

Daring to step into my successful self/ my future me/ my abundant me, I created a mock cover to maintain the momentum.

Start at the end.

Act as if.  IT IS TIME

 

 

My friend, writer Matthew Roy, put it best (regarding the core emotion of the book):

There is so much desperation in the story.  Molly’s.  Yours.  Clocks literally ticking as time runs out for the truth.  

The following autopsy illustration, in progress [for Section 5 Part 3 of the book], reflects the somewhat autobiographical parallels of the work:

      

 

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I’m just trusting what’s ahead.

Sometimes a song expresses our  states of being the best.

At present, Fiona Apple’s Container does it for me:

I was screaming into the canyon
At the moment of my death
The echo I created
Outlasted my last breath

My voice it made an avalanche
And buried a man I never knew
And when he died his widowed bride
Met your daddy and they made you

I have only one thing to do and that’s
To be the wave that I am and then
Sink back into the ocean

– Fiona Apple Source

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