Researching a seemingly unrelated subject tonight, I was thrown down into a pit of dark memory of betrayal and attack to my heart. How strange to be reminded of that time, of that sickening anger.
How strange to have to grab my own hand and pull myself out of the pit– real quick– for it is not a place I should to spend time in.
I can revisit it for use in my creative expression, in my understanding of the human condition. But I cannot spend a lot of time in that pit, for I know the anger that wells up is not towards the other but is actually directed at myself– for I am heart broken about how much energy I spent trying to save an illusion.
But wait— maybe I need to spend a bit of time in that pit.
For perhaps, just perhaps, what the memory is telling me to do is to address any unfinished acts of self-forgiveness, to step fully into self-love and CONFIDENCE.
I am about to commit fully to a new stage of my passion project that will test me and empower me in ways I can’t even imagine yet. IF I AM READY.
What if my vision board needs to be added to?
What if not only others are allies… what if memories are allies?
If I am to fly, I must first love myself.