New journal necessary today

February 10, 2021

New journal necessary today – it was a big day of BIG communication and BIG advocacy for my youth.

February 11, 2021

Another big day of honest communication. I am tired, but light.

February 13, 2021

Gift of a long weekend and snow. The week ended well and I had a personal breakthrough.

February 15, 2021

What if the thing I am trying to figure out doesn’t need to be figured out at all? What if I release it all fully? There is no need to reach out to… to talk it out with… No need to feel embarrassed about… Not need to figure out my relationship with… No need to worry about work. No need to change how I approach it. No need to apologize. No need to reach out to anyone.

Just be.

Take a pause.

Take all the time I need.

LET IT ALL GO.

What if it all ended right now? What would any of the above accomplish? People have their own lives. Me, just being me, in all my clumsy ways trying to figure out things, is just about wanting to control so that I don’t make anyone feel bad. Why not LET GO OF IT ALL?

No need today to produce, draw, write, craft, prep, or even focus. No need to ignore. No need to pay attention.

What if the way I am being in this world – as I am now – is actually fine?

Can I recede?

Can I not?

Can I stop trying to question whether I should or not?

Instead of looking for absolute answers to feel comfortable, we can embrace the mysterious. When we think about what the embodiments of others must be like, feel like, look like from their perspectives, we can never know… Feeling one’s isolation and separation despite networks of agency can be a beautiful thing: profound. – Sabrina Scott witchbody, 2019

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