Covidian Dream Play

I had MANY strange dreams last night but one really strange one had me entering a suburban house in the midwest and walking upstairs and seeing my mom desperately vacuuming rugs and wall to wall carpeting. She lived there alone. She had all new decor- very Americana- none of our old stuff. Nothing recognizable at…

Sometimes I feel detached… journal entry, Dec 3, 2019

I don’t bleed anymore. Finding solace in journal pages.

“These are the days of tweeting, blogging, posting, instagraming, snapchatting, you name it. Everyone seems to be doing it. Some people seem very comfortable expressing every morsel of their living and breathing and eating into the world. Not that this isn’t totally fascinating to the one sharing, but most people (including me) don’t care about…

“All you have to do now is allow…” Sabbatical reflections.

I am on sabbatical/working remotely/dog and kitten sitting in San Francisco… life changing, soul searching, peaceful… no words suffice.  The real lesson will show itself soon. It is finally here! What you’ve longed for is finally here! Know that all you have to do  now is allow and be receptive when the opportunity presents itself….

Quick sketch: Young gull at English Bay

Why is it,” Jonathan puzzled, “that the hardest thing in the world is to convince a bird that he is free, and that he can prove it for himself if he’d spend a little time practicing? Why should that be so hard? – Richard Bach

There are times of no ideas… – Lynda Barry (but there is always process)

Daily disciplined connection with my journal maintains my creative process and even though the entries are seemingly unrelated to my writing project… … they cleanse my brain and I am more driven to write as I stay in flow…

Connecting with the journal everyday. Even if just to copy…

Psaltriparus minimus playing in a tree…

I was charmed this morning by a flock of tiny birds playing and eating bugs in the tree above my bus stop. A whole bunch of bushtits.

I am allowed to think freely. Stream of consciousness journaling

The importance of doodling…

Spontaneous drawings may relieve psychological distress, making it easier to attend to things. We like to make sense of our lives by making up coherent stories, but sometimes there are gaps that cannot be filled, no matter how hard we try. Doodles fill these gaps, possibly by activating the brain’s “time travel machine,” allowing it to find lost puzzle…

I am not depressed today.

  May 18, 2019 Saturdays I tend to have– a type of Saturday Migraine– what I call- spiritual migraines- as the time to myself hits after sleeping in an extra hour after a full week of so much output– I can either be in euphoric creative mode, or despair/exhaustion.  Of course, I enjoy the euphoria.  I…

Homework- writer’s group: close your eyes…

Journal entry: If I close my eyes, what age do I go back to? Usually I go back to age six. But today as I close my eyes, I am 22, alone, crying, New Year’s Eve, 1984.  Though— not quite alone.  I am pregnant with Anna.  I am scared, crying, in a fetal position on the…

Being ace, full of peACE

In October 2016, I wrote:  On October 3, 2016 I wrote: Opening up to defining myself as ace and what that means to me feels relieving right now. • I have found my identity that really explains to me who I am now. • Life is fluid and so am I. • Every stage of my life has…

From the heart- a 15-day journal exercise Part 4

I am re-reading Stephen Levine‘s A Year to Live- how to live this year as if it were your last as a personal exercise schedule to take time to slow down and truly listen to my heart. Recall: Part 1: Catching Up with Your Life Part 2: Practice Dying Part 3: Preparing to Die Part 4: Dying from the Common…

My ugliness, my solitude, my experiences have built a protective wall

Diary entry April 17, 2017 Once I have reached my energy limit- my body/mind/spirit experiences a type of fatigue migraine– it comes on when I finally relax and have a day to stop- and seemingly ALL threatens to stop.  My eyes can’t stay open in the tub, my heart feels tender, my to-do list seems…

Routine? No, ROOTine.

The word ROOTine came up for me the other day when I was texting with my daughter who is on a life-changing journey, travelling in SE Asia: Looking back on your life from a mom’s perspective as to when you have felt the most happiest is during developing an idea and planning transitions.  When you have gotten…

Release attachment to the outcome…

To feel the anguish of waiting for the next moment and of taking part in the complex current (of affairs) not knowing that we are headed toward ourselves, through millions of stone beings – of bird beings – of star beings – of microbe beings – of fountain beings toward ourselves. – Frida Kahlo I…

Is this where they’ll find me?

Is this where they’ll find me?  In the tub, laying back, my neck resting on the edge, my face covered with a book? Is this where they’ll find me? Seemingly asleep, one hand holding tight the book that covers my face, hiding the cheap reading glasses that have slipped a little, eyes closed, the mouth slightly…

Recalling a declaration from “my future self” on July 25, 2015

Working on my graphic novel, I pull out research and reference materials from my files and come across a journal entry from July 25, 2015 created during Peter Breeze’s Be a Star workshop.  This is truly why I keep everything for what an incredible reminder to myself that I am fulfilling my dream by whatever means necessary….

What being ace means to me. #asexual musings

Being age 54 and “single” I am often asked (by people my own age), Are you dating anyone now?   When my response is one of raised eyebrows and a cynical laugh, and an adamant, I have no interest, I often get the NEVER SAY NEVER statement. Oh my God.  I know I know— who knows what lies…

You had the opportunity last month to end up not recognizing yourself.

This past weekend I have had a bit of that existential-post-trip-out-of-body-kind-of-weirdness-needing-to-contract feeling. [Thanks to my soul sister, Patti Henderson], I check in with the Power Path regularly (especially when I feel like this) as a tool/guide.  I am reminded of the July 2016 forecast: “Radical personal transformation is possible. Start with taking care of yourself, loving…

Dear my body… a love letter.

  Dear my body, We shy away from the camera; we always have. We are like the Sasquatch– rare sightings on FB. I am not interested in what you look like.  I don’t want to see.  I don’t need to see. I prefer the role of the observer, not the observed. I love REALITY and…

… it goes deep, deep down into its burrow…

I was organizing my notebooks and loose papers and to-do lists at a coffee shop this morning.  I love to organize, but I am strangely disorganized.  Creative chaos is my middle name, but so are organizational skills. My mind runs a 1000 miles per hour, and so I write bits of quotes, make lists, tiny…

Getting out of my own way.

I was down and dark in January- been down and dark before- but this time I was dipping down a little too low.  I am blessed that I was able to communicate that to my nearest and dearest and have the difficult conversations and be met with love and support. I want to be here.  To…

The heart of it.

Practicing being heart-fully present and health-fully detached.  And checking in regularly with my own heart journey. Getting up a bit earlier.  Gentle time before facing each day.  Then practicing stepping into the day with OPEN boundless bountiful boundary-full HEART. And always reminding myself to nurture the heart of my passions and gifts. “I’m filled with burning passion to experience life…

Sunday morning coffee shop musings.

Journal entry January 24, 2016 Write out goals –> no, write out PLANS. What is the difference between goals and plans and by writing goals as opposed to plans, am I not being BADASS enough? (Thank you, Cat Webb, for defining me as a badass and being a constant source of empowerment.  Check out Cat’s extraordinary…

A letter to my father, 3 years later, at our favorite table.

Dear Pappa, Sitting at our table at Lions Gate Hospital Cafeteria. — Three years later now… you died on October 25.  How can this be real?  You and Mamma seemingly immortal.  Yet- — I would love to break down- my heart feels too big for my chest cavity.  I want to curl inward. There was…

Art journaling e-workshop 12-part course

I have created an in-depths arts journaling program and am offering it to you as an email course! I have been developing a little project for awhile now, inspired by my desires to combine my learned lessons from years of facilitating art sessions.  You will receive instructions and imagery to print out and color.  Fun, easy, in-depths!   The…

Lilla My #fanart custom made composition books. 

I love customizing composition books.  Prepping a new one for today. I am particularly in love with this one so I’m making this version available to you!  Lilla My fan art custom made composition books: Ready to contain your hopes, wishes, dreams, ramblings, musings, to-do’s, purges, goals etc. A safe place to vent as you…

Slingshot: limbo anticipation? #journal #ramblings

I’ve been mulling over the slingshot image for a few days now. I have been recognizing a darkness and a certain kind of fatigue in the air of late. In many in my circle. Certainly in me. I feel like I am being pulled backward, downwards– just when I thought I had it all figured…

Little Brown Mouse Journal Ramblings

   Little Brown Mouse Journal Ramblings I have been told in the past that I think TOO BIG.  But I have come to realize, I may not be dreaming BIG ENOUGH. * why, oh why do I question [everything]? * *so embarrassed * I have been too timid, too small, too local, too shy… I…

Pay attention to the signs. Badger. #alignment

    The image of the badger has been playing in my mind the past few weeks.  I really have no idea why.   But in the spirit of trusting the signs, I play along. Badger symbolism:  (SOURCE) The badger symbolizes aggressiveness, reliance, self-expression, holding ones own, link to the underworld and the magic and…

What happens when you open yourself up? #journal #truth

April 28, 2015 What happens when you open yourself up and share some painful truths?  Say that you are with a (safe) person and the door opens to have the conversation. What happens first? The heart beats a little faster. And your breath gets more rapid and shallow. Perhaps the bile rises a bit in…

Pay attention to the birds: Part 5- Sparrow

— Bliss- walking my old dog slowly, oh so slowly, in our West End neighborhood listening to the sweet song of the white-throated sparrow.  Miraculous. I walk with a smile on my face.  I am filled with self-love for truly the first time in my life.  I know my own worth and I can sing…

Self-imposed exile- let it go, let it go.o

Curled up in my chair in self-imposed exile.  Wrapped in old knits. Loving less interaction. Loving not working on my to-do’s. Happy to be doing less. Should I worry and fret?  Feel guilty? No.  Nah. Let it go. Let it all go. So fatigued- let it go. Heavy grief dreams these days- let them go. Dreamt about…

Procrastination embraced. Journal exercise.

If you procrastinate, it has served you in some way. Welcome it! Congratulate yourself. Study its effects in your life, and its gifts – allow yourself to accept and then release your procrastination! – SARK The following journal exercise can take you a few minutes or several weeks- totally up to you! 1. Get a…

Pay attention to the birds: Part 4- Hummingbird

I came across a bush the other day abuzz with crimson hummingbirds.  BREATHTAKING. If the hummingbird shows up in your life as a spirit animal, it may remind you to enjoy life’s simple pleasures and take time to enjoy yourself. The hummingbird’s wisdom carries an invitation to take part in and draw to you life’s…

Pay attention to the birds: Part 3- Pigeon

Delighted that my dog has entered some kind of remission.  One week after believing it was time for that “family meeting,” he is well enough to eat and walk again. He runs like a, somewhat lame, puppy after his bath- so it’s all good for now. I savour every minute with Tobey, knowing he has…

Pay attention to the birds: Part 2- American Robin

I never keep walking when I see a robin.  I stop and observe.  I love their attentiveness.  The way they listen to the earth.  The way their torsos look like eggs. The robin brings a fresh new perspective to situations that are otherwise foggy and unclear. Try calling on robin energy for clarity when your…

Pay attention to the birds: Part 1- Kingfisher

On February 27, 2015, I observed a Kingfisher at the Spruce Harbour Marina. I was mesmerized.  Birds hold so much meaning to me.  And they always feel like messengers, telling me to pay strict attention.  I pulled out my composition book and made a note to remember the moment. Also known as the Halycon, the…

Touch me life, not softly. #journalentry

How will you take on this week? Last week was truly full of too muchness, too fullness, too many extremes, but at the same time, I was grateful for the intensity. It helped me clarify what was truly important. There was output and connection, there was trauma and fear, there was despair and elation, and…

Contemplating death, loss, hope, acceptance…

Release Leap of faith Acceptance Peace Honorary Karin Roar Life rough on the seas Sacrifice Mother father daughter love Death Release Hope Promise Defence Loss Rose Thorn Thorsen Memorial Cycle Allowance Honor New beginnings Immortal Bud Blossom Farewell Dedicated to my mother Karin September 17, 1936 – November 8, 2008 and my father Roar August…

My retreat journal part 6 of 6: The Closing Circle

I experienced a life-changing weekend as I co-facilitated Creativity and Connection Retreat October 17-19, 2014 on Bowen Island with Laura Mack at Xenia Retreat.  Here are some journal excerpts so you can get a small glimpse as to how powerful the experience was for me. Recall: PART 1 October 17, 2014 FRIDAY INTO SILENCE PART 2 October…

My retreat journal Part 5 of 6: The Dance

I experienced a life-changing weekend as I co-facilitated Creativity and Connection Retreat October 17-19, 2014 on Bowen Island with Laura Mack at Xenia Retreat.  Here are some journal excerpts so you can get a small glimpse as to how powerful the experience was for me. Recall: PART 1 October 17, 2014 FRIDAY INTO SILENCE PART 2 October…

My retreat journal Part 3 of 6: The Cyclops Goddess

I experienced a life-changing weekend as I co-facilitated Creativity and Connection Retreat October 17-19, 2014 on Bowen Island with Laura Mack at Xenia Retreat.  Here are some journal excerpts so you can get a small glimpse as to how powerful the experience was for me. Recall: PART 1 October 17, 2014 FRIDAY INTO SILENCE PART 2 October…

My retreat journal Part 1 of 6: INTO SILENCE

I experienced a life-changing weekend as I co-facilitated Creativity and Connection Retreat October 17-19, 2014 on Bowen Island with Laura Mack at Xenia Retreat.  A HUGE THANK YOU TO LAURA FOR PROVIDING THIS OPPORTUNITY FOR ME. SPECIAL THANK YOU Saria, and to Angelyn, Loretta, Fran and Lorena — Here are some journal excerpts so you…

Grief hits me when I least suspect it, with a solitary evening walk…

All of a sudden, all I want to do is organize mom’s closet, as she lies on the bed and chats with me, the parrot cuddling her hand, Tobey on the floor below, with Grey Gardens on in the background. Grief hits me when I least suspect it, with a solitary evening walk, letting the dog…

Why the need to draw what draws us? #journal #rambling

Why are we drawn to the human face? What draws us in? Why the need to draw what draws us? Why do we fixate on the stare of an eye meeting an eye? Is the draw of the portrait the silence in the glance, the fastidiousness of the stare? The reflection in a mirror- a…

The dying crow.

The other day, I observed, in humbled silence, a vigil being kept by two crows as they watched over their dying companion- holding sacred space as the dying crow lay nestled in the grass.  I was so moved by their attentive eye and compassion.  The two sat high in the trees, taking turns warning and attacking any…

Sacred Contracts Journal Exercise Part 6 of 8: PULL BACK TO THE PAST

SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES PART 6 OF 8 PULL BACK TO THE PAST We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series.  It is inspired by Caroline Myss.  The journal series is  an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along. Recall Part 1: Future and Present where…

“Seeing your life in broad strokes and in bright pieces allows you to redraw…” @carolinemyss

In detecting the emotional charge in your biography, you can begin to see how the fragments of your history have worked together in ways that have affected your past, your present, and the state of your health. This perspective is what I call symbolic sight. Seeing your life in broad strokes and in bright pieces…

I am SUMthing, not NOthing… morning journaling exercise #anxiety #racingthoughts

I am the SUM of all my parts. SUM evolved, SUM didn’t. I am SUMthing, not NOthing. Though I feel incapable of understanding $ and what it means and how to live freely by bringing enough in, I have at the very least come to a simpler point from which to at the very least…

Hope. Dream. Goal. Gratitude. Journal page inspired by Patti Henderson.

My dear friend, filmmaker Patti Henderson, requested we start a mutual journal sharing. Do a page on hope, dream, goal, gratitude. Then take a picture and send it. Lather, rinse, repeat. Here is my first page.

How I must start 2014: naked.

How I must start 2014… Transparent, open, allowing whatever. How I must start 2014: NAKED. I surrender. I am transparent. Open.

Is debt an emotion? Changing attitudes.

There are so many shifts and transformations that color this past year for me.  I am learning.  Taking big steps and baby steps. The biggest change is allowing anxiety around finances to just be, sitting with it, reaching out for help, enriching my support network, listening, facing, communicating, trying, failing, trying again, moving forward. I…

What I learned in 2013: honor your gift.

– Yesterday I posted what I learned about myself in 2013.  I was going to write a long list of words and concepts I embraced in 2013. – – But I stripped it down.  Stripped it down to the bare essence: – So what I truly learned in 2013 is that I have the right,…

Removing the fear- a deconstruction.

Deconstructing a blockage tonight by analyzing its essential parts:

The Housewife Howled- regurgitations from the journals of the husfru, 1994. Part 1

I pulled out an old package of journal scribblings from 1994.  Written when my kids were young, I was married and three years in to an art career.  Let’s take a look shall we? Preface: So here I sit about to embark on the great adventure: the writing of a book.  My book.  But where…

Fear and resistance on a Monday morning. #Journal

The more scared we are of a work or a calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. ~ The War of Art by Steven Pressfield I am answering a call.  More on that soon. Yet still I struggle with the same old anxieties around money.  I am taking steps, mind…

Responsibility garden… #journalexercise

I am taking charge of my own life.  All the seeds have been planted.  The shoots are healthy.  And growing.  It’s time for me to tend my own garden.   In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are…