An image came to mind today as I walked in the park… An image attempting to visualize both my internal weight and a concept for a simmering project. Tonight’s diary sketch captures partly the final image that I want to develop. I let the lines and watercolour be what they needed to be, without thought,…
Tag: journal
I ruined it.
I was so excited about my 5th birthday party… I couldn’t sleep. I was so nervous that when the day finally arrived, I had a complete meltdown during the party. I ruined it.
There is an intoxicating self-indulgence in allowing myself to whine here.
July 22, 2021 Dear me, This is my S.A.D. time. Seasonal Affective Disorder is not about winter and sun lamps for me. I struggle in the summer with sunshine and these inevitable depressions. The low mood cycle has been particularly hard this past while. I am finding it hard to focus. There is energy,…
What’s the question?
I wrote in my journal this morning- “At the end of the weekend – if I stay quiet – an answer will come.” But I’m not sure what the question is! What we’re really afraid of is to be in life, in step with it and not a step ahead of it, trying to control…
New journal necessary today
February 10, 2021 New journal necessary today – it was a big day of BIG communication and BIG advocacy for my youth. February 11, 2021 Another big day of honest communication. I am tired, but light. February 13, 2021 Gift of a long weekend and snow. The week ended well and I had a personal…
Ugly, but benign. Creative process, isolation, self analysis and staying quiet.
What does the character want? Why do they want it? What happens if they don’t get it? Why now? I am finding that out.
Covidian Dream Play
I had MANY strange dreams last night but one really strange one had me entering a suburban house in the midwest and walking upstairs and seeing my mom desperately vacuuming rugs and wall to wall carpeting. She lived there alone. She had all new decor- very Americana- none of our old stuff. Nothing recognizable at…
I don’t bleed anymore. Finding solace in journal pages.
“These are the days of tweeting, blogging, posting, instagraming, snapchatting, you name it. Everyone seems to be doing it. Some people seem very comfortable expressing every morsel of their living and breathing and eating into the world. Not that this isn’t totally fascinating to the one sharing, but most people (including me) don’t care about…
“All you have to do now is allow…” Sabbatical reflections.
I am on sabbatical/working remotely/dog and kitten sitting in San Francisco… life changing, soul searching, peaceful… no words suffice. The real lesson will show itself soon. It is finally here! What you’ve longed for is finally here! Know that all you have to do now is allow and be receptive when the opportunity presents itself….
Quick sketch: Young gull at English Bay
Why is it,” Jonathan puzzled, “that the hardest thing in the world is to convince a bird that he is free, and that he can prove it for himself if he’d spend a little time practicing? Why should that be so hard? – Richard Bach
There are times of no ideas… – Lynda Barry (but there is always process)
Daily disciplined connection with my journal maintains my creative process and even though the entries are seemingly unrelated to my writing project… … they cleanse my brain and I am more driven to write as I stay in flow…
Psaltriparus minimus playing in a tree…
I was charmed this morning by a flock of tiny birds playing and eating bugs in the tree above my bus stop. A whole bunch of bushtits.
The importance of doodling…
Spontaneous drawings may relieve psychological distress, making it easier to attend to things. We like to make sense of our lives by making up coherent stories, but sometimes there are gaps that cannot be filled, no matter how hard we try. Doodles fill these gaps, possibly by activating the brain’s “time travel machine,” allowing it to find lost puzzle…
I am not depressed today.
May 18, 2019 Saturdays I tend to have– a type of Saturday Migraine– what I call- spiritual migraines- as the time to myself hits after sleeping in an extra hour after a full week of so much output– I can either be in euphoric creative mode, or despair/exhaustion. Of course, I enjoy the euphoria. I…
Homework- writer’s group: close your eyes…
Journal entry: If I close my eyes, what age do I go back to? Usually I go back to age six. But today as I close my eyes, I am 22, alone, crying, New Year’s Eve, 1984. Though— not quite alone. I am pregnant with Anna. I am scared, crying, in a fetal position on the…
Being ace, full of peACE
In October 2016, I wrote: On October 3, 2016 I wrote: Opening up to defining myself as ace and what that means to me feels relieving right now. • I have found my identity that really explains to me who I am now. • Life is fluid and so am I. • Every stage of my life has…
From the heart- a 15-day journal exercise Part 4
I am re-reading Stephen Levine‘s A Year to Live- how to live this year as if it were your last as a personal exercise schedule to take time to slow down and truly listen to my heart. Recall: Part 1: Catching Up with Your Life Part 2: Practice Dying Part 3: Preparing to Die Part 4: Dying from the Common…
My ugliness, my solitude, my experiences have built a protective wall
Diary entry April 17, 2017 Once I have reached my energy limit- my body/mind/spirit experiences a type of fatigue migraine– it comes on when I finally relax and have a day to stop- and seemingly ALL threatens to stop. My eyes can’t stay open in the tub, my heart feels tender, my to-do list seems…
Routine? No, ROOTine.
The word ROOTine came up for me the other day when I was texting with my daughter who is on a life-changing journey, travelling in SE Asia: Looking back on your life from a mom’s perspective as to when you have felt the most happiest is during developing an idea and planning transitions. When you have gotten…
Release attachment to the outcome…
To feel the anguish of waiting for the next moment and of taking part in the complex current (of affairs) not knowing that we are headed toward ourselves, through millions of stone beings – of bird beings – of star beings – of microbe beings – of fountain beings toward ourselves. – Frida Kahlo I…
Is this where they’ll find me?
Is this where they’ll find me? In the tub, laying back, my neck resting on the edge, my face covered with a book? Is this where they’ll find me? Seemingly asleep, one hand holding tight the book that covers my face, hiding the cheap reading glasses that have slipped a little, eyes closed, the mouth slightly…
Recalling a declaration from “my future self” on July 25, 2015
Working on my graphic novel, I pull out research and reference materials from my files and come across a journal entry from July 25, 2015 created during Peter Breeze’s Be a Star workshop. This is truly why I keep everything for what an incredible reminder to myself that I am fulfilling my dream by whatever means necessary….
What being ace means to me. #asexual musings
October 3, 2016: Being age 54 and “single” I am often asked (by people my own age), Are you dating anyone now? When my response is one of raised eyebrows and a cynical laugh, and an adamant, I have no interest, I often get the NEVER SAY NEVER statement. Oh my God. I know I know— who…
You had the opportunity last month to end up not recognizing yourself.
This past weekend I have had a bit of that existential-post-trip-out-of-body-kind-of-weirdness-needing-to-contract feeling. [Thanks to my soul sister, Patti Henderson], I check in with the Power Path regularly (especially when I feel like this) as a tool/guide. I am reminded of the July 2016 forecast: “Radical personal transformation is possible. Start with taking care of yourself, loving…
Dear my body… a love letter.
Dear my body, We shy away from the camera; we always have. We are like the Sasquatch– rare sightings on FB. I am not interested in what you look like. I don’t want to see. I don’t need to see. I prefer the role of the observer, not the observed. I love REALITY and…
… it goes deep, deep down into its burrow…
I was organizing my notebooks and loose papers and to-do lists at a coffee shop this morning. I love to organize, but I am strangely disorganized. Creative chaos is my middle name, but so are organizational skills. My mind runs a 1000 miles per hour, and so I write bits of quotes, make lists, tiny…
Getting out of my own way.
I was down and dark in January- been down and dark before- but this time I was dipping down a little too low. I am blessed that I was able to communicate that to my nearest and dearest and have the difficult conversations and be met with love and support. I want to be here. To…