Recalling a declaration from “my future self” on July 25, 2015

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Working on my graphic novel, I pull out research and reference materials from my files and come across a journal entry from July 25, 2015 created during Peter Breeze’s Be a Star workshop.  This is truly why I keep everything for what an incredible reminder to myself that I am fulfilling my dream by whatever means necessary.

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Dear me,

You now stand fully naked, fully present, fully you.  Gone are the shackles that pulled you downwards into self-doubting, crippling anxiety.  No longer do you hesitate before expressing.  But most importantly, no longer do you collapse in shame and doubt after you expressed yourself.  

Speaking your truth used to cause you to feel like you were choking on amniotic fluid.  Felt like it came at a price.  

Now you can breathe in and breathe out with open mouth, open nostrils, open sinuses, open throat, open heart, open eyes, open mind without fear.  

You release your truth, your art, your work onto and into the world and receive back the conversations/communications with an open and fearless heart- a heart that is ready to dialogue.  

Your work used to require boundaries.  Your life used to comprise of self-imposed boundaries to protect your heart from rejection and loss.  But now you are boundless.  And so the work you have built on awakening creative expression in others- a gift you truly were born with and have worked so tirelessly to deliver- takes on a new level on a global scale.  You are not in need of accolades.  You are simply expressing, thereby allowing others to feel the same freedom.  It need no longer be frontline work (in person), it is a new principle and way of living.  

Full presence.  

You have taken all the heartache, all the joy, all the blood and guts of life and built a mission and vision that has created true abundance.  

You will never be anxiety-free and you will never not have heart-shattering challenges, but you now have a giant delicious toolbox with which to meet those challenges and easily process, die into them and rebirth from them.  You are truly living with ease.  

All is as it should be.  

Congratulations.  

Love, me 

Thank you, Peter.

Check out my daughter’s message to her future self:

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Rejection letter from publisher? Despair? No- liberation.

I have been awaiting word from a significant publisher who has been considering my passion project- Molly, a true crime analysis.

The book is not finished.  I am re-writing the manuscript, and still drawing- but thanks to my agent, Peter Breeze, we have been creating a buzz and were quite elated to be contacted earlier this year by this one particular publisher.  Of course, let’s be honest- the dream [the goal, the plan!] is to get an advance.

Writing a book is a strange job.  “Here you go,” a publisher says at the outset, handing you a salary of sorts, and a deadline, “We’ll see you in two years.” – Patricia Pearson

Yesterday I received their response via Peter:

Dear Peter,

My apologies that it’s taken me several more weeks to get back to you about this project since you provided me with the exciting new info from Katarina. We’ve had so many people out on vacation in July and August that our editorial group meeting was cancelled several weeks in a row.

I finally got a chance to give my group a full second pitch of the project (after my first one in early May). Everyone still adored Katarina’s artwork and people were still intrigued by the story. While I do think that the new info helped my pitch, ultimately my group decided that the project just isn’t right for our list. Katarina’s project is fascinating, but the feedback I got was that even though it investigates a mystery, Katarina has essentially solved the case [well- that remains to be seen] and answered the one question that needs to be answered. Though everyone loved the journey Katarina takes the reader through, they felt that the book would have a tough time making a splash in the hyper-competitive true crime market. We discussed positioning it in a number of different ways, and even as more of an art book rather than a true crime book, but I’m sorry to say that I did not get the green light to move forward with it.

I am still passionate about Katarina’s project and was hoping that with the gap in time between my first pitch of the project and my second pitch, I could adequately reposition it with my group so they’d be on board. So I’m very disappointed to have to pass on the project. I really appreciate how patient you’ve been with me (especially during the spring of craziness), and how much Katarina has put into this work. I have no doubt that you’ll place this book with another publisher who can really get behind it and give it the love it deserves. I hope to see this on shelves one day and to buy myself a copy.

Thanks again for the opportunity to dive into this amazing world.

All the best,

P.

But am I upset?  Hell no!  AND I AM NOT JUST WRITING THAT TO BE POSITIVE!  SERIOUSLY!  I MEAN SERIOUSLY!

I mean- WOW- LET’S LOOK AT THIS A LITTLE CLOSER— the work has been considered!  BY A SIGNIFICANT PUBLISHER.  It takes balls to put yourself out there and- tooting my own horn here- I’ve been putting myself out there for years.  Rejection after rejection, failure after failure- and now at my age– I see that the process is GLORIOUS.  Because it’s not about being accepted- it’s about the process.

I am feeling FREE again to take Molly in new directions.  Work on its possibilities.  Fold myself into the story more.  I still have investigation to do and am building an extraordinary network of women who support the project and care deeply about the case.  So many of you ask, how long till it is done?  I don’t know!  It is not for me to answer.  Only Molly knows.

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Why now—after so many years? “What could I tell them?” he said. “Just that I’m the slowest damn, most tiresomely methodical dot-the-‘i’s-and-cross-the-‘t’s investigator they’ll ever meet.” – Andy Rosenzweig, The New Yorker

And so the investigation continues.  The work continues.  The process still unfolds and therein lies the success, the bliss— the point.  

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The journey is the destination. – Dan Eldon

Related:

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Opened TextEdit to find a surprise note to self…

 

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Frida and the Chakras

Prepping for a session tonight with young women, around the theme of sisterhood using collage techniques, I opened TextEdit to collect pertinent quotes that may inspire dialogue tonight.

An untitled document opened with a note I wrote to myself from my future self last year.

Dear me,

You now stand fully naked, fully present, fully you.  Gone are the shackles that pulled you downwards into self-doubting, crippling anxiety.  No longer do you hesitate before expressing.  But most importantly, no longer do you collapse in shame and doubt after you expressed yourself.  

Speaking your truth used to cause you to feel like you were choking on amniotic fluid.  Felt like it came at a price.  

Now you can breathe in and breathe out with open mouth, open nostrils, open sinuses, open throat, open heart, open eyes, open mind without fear.  

You release your truth, your art, your work onto and into the world and receive back the conversations/communications with an open and fearless heart- a heart that is ready to dialogue.  

Your work used to require boundaries.  Your life used to comprise of self-imposed boundaries to protect your heart from rejection and loss.  But now you are boundless.  And so the work you have built on awakening creative expression in others- a gift you truly were born with and have worked so tirelessly to deliver- takes on a new level on a global scale.  You are not in need of accolades.  You are simply expressing, thereby allowing others to feel the same freedom.  It need no longer be frontline work (in person), it is a new principle and way of living.  

Full presence.  

You have taken all the heartache, all the joy, all the blood and guts of life and built a mission and vision that has created true abundance.  

You will never be anxiety-free and you will never not have heart-shattering challenges, but you now have a giant delicious toolbox with which to meet those challenges and easily process, die into them and rebirth from them.  You are truly living with ease.  

All is as it should be.  

Congratulations.  

Love, me 

Recall Peter’s pep talk: “THE BOOK WILL BE A SUCCESS. THERE IS NO OTHER POSSIBLE CONCLUSION TO THIS. ALLOW THE SUCCESS TO HAPPEN.  CONFIDENCE.”

What a lovely surprise to find this note on this lovely day.  We can be our own worst enemies, but also our own best friends.

Dedicated to my dear mentor/agent/friend, Peter Breeze:

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“I can’t wait to see you and meet you at the top.”

It’s early Sunday morning, December 13, 2015,  and I have just said bon voyage to my daughter as she heads to New York City for a test run month, paving the way to her big move.

A few months ago, she wrote on her mindmap:

Spend 1 month test living in New York City.

Oh Anna, my extraordinary daughter.  Way to manifest!

Photo by @sirshanemiller
Photo by @sirshanemiller

She’s been to New York before, many times now.  So that isn’t new.  She has lived in San Francisco for 4 years, so moving away isn’t new.  But what is new is that she’s 30, she’s graduating into a new chapter and she’s manifesting her dreams- DARING GREATLY- stepping into her new, authentic, successful, whole self.

Just take a listen to this video Anna made, facilitated by Peter Breeze during his Be a Star Workshop (Evan Eisenstadt Photography):

YES!

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Our bodies and those of our daughters were created by a seamless web of nature and nurture, of biology informed by consciousness, that we can trace back to the beginning of time.  Thus, every daughter contains her mother and all the women who came before her.  The unrealized dreams of our maternal ancestors are part of our heritage,  To become optimally healthy and happy, each of us must get clear about the ways in which our mother’s history both influenced and continues to inform our state of health, our beliefs, and how we live our lives.  Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her and all those who will come after her. – Dr. Christiane Northrup, Mother-Daughter Wisdom

This post is not only dedicated to Anna but to my Mormor (Kristina), Anna’s Mormor (Karin) and my son Julian, a true feminist.

Let’s dance!

 

 

 

Be A Star workshop with @PeterBreeze. #selfempowerment

Recall I participated in an amazing taste test workshop this past summer facilitated by the one and only Peter Breeze.

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I am still feeling the positive effects of Peter’s teachings!  I am in full process creating my book.  When I feel the old anxiety, fear and self-doubt boil up, I take time to breathe and to recall how Peter taught me how to own my successful self.  To not act as if– but to BE the person who pursues her goals with passion and fearlessness and a profound feeling of self-worth!  Me- the trembling cave woman, stepping into the shoes of my future self.

You may also recall that I wrote:

It was one of the most powerful and uplifting workshops I’ve ever attended– a beautiful combination of exercises, take-away tools, spiritual guidance and humor.  Stay tuned for Peter’s full workshop offering!  A “can’t miss” opportunity!

Well the day has arrived!  Peter’s 2-day workshop is now announced!

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Pretending to be famous when I was a kid was more than just make believe. I have a natural ability to align myself with the things that I want. I live a life of complete creation. For years I have wanted to find away to teach people the things I know and I’ve finally found a way to start spreading the magic. If you want to start living the life of your dreams then check out my first official Be A Star workshop! The time is now. Your dreams await! – Peter Breeze

To register email: peterbreezeofficial@gmail.com

TO BUY TICKETS: CLICK HERE > https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/be-a-star-tickets-18874116992

Make sure to check out:

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Peter Breeze, 2011 (China Marker on foam board)
Peter Breeze, 2011 (China Marker on foam board). Katarina Thorsen

Dear future me… Empowering exercise designed by @peterbreeze

I was so honored to take part in a taste-test workshop last Saturday designed and facilitated by Peter Breeze (co-facilitated by Odin in Germany. Participants included Kany, Annalise and Mariel).

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Very special day! I’ve been developing a workshop for over a year and today I finally shared my ideas and exercises with these special people. The workshop is designed to help you get in touch with your dreams, bring them to the surface and through a series of exercises explore what it feels like when your dreams come true! I was nervous to share this vision but once we started everything flowed so naturally. It felt right. Very powerful. Today is day one of a brand new adventure!!! I am so excited!! – Peter Breeze

It was one of the most powerful and uplifting workshops I’ve ever attended– a beautiful combination of exercises, take-away tools, spiritual guidance and humor.

Stay tuned for Peter’s full workshop offering!  A “can’t miss” opportunity!

  —

During the workshop, I wrote the following letter to my future self.  A testimonial from the soul, as Odin calls it.  With Peter’s powerful guidance and exercises, I was able to speak from an empowered self.  I felt safe and ready.  Truly liberating.

  

[unedited]

Dear me,

You now stand fully naked, fully present, fully you.  Gone are the shackles that pulled you downwards into self-doubting, crippling anxiety.  No longer do you hesitate before expressing.  But most importantly, no longer do you collapse in shame and doubt after you expressed yourself.  

Speaking your truth used to cause you to feel like you were choking on amniotic fluid.  Felt like it came at a price.  

Now you can breathe in and breathe out with open mouth, open nostrils, open sinuses, open throat, open heart, open eyes, open mind without fear.  

You release your truth, your art, your work onto and into the world and receive back the conversations/communications with an open and fearless heart- a heart that is ready to dialogue.  

Your work used to require boundaries.  Your life used to comprise of self-imposed boundaries to protect your heart from rejection and loss.  But now you are boundless.  And so the work you have built on awakening creative expression in others- a gift you truly were born with and have worked so tirelessly to deliver- takes on a new level on a global scale.  You are not in need of accolades.  You are simply expressing, thereby allowing others to feel the same freedom.  It need no longer be frontline work (in person), it is a new principle and way of living.  

Full presence.  

You have taken all the heartache, all the joy, all the blood and guts of life and built a mission and vision that has created true abundance.  

You will never be anxiety-free and you will never not have heart-shattering challenges, but you now have a giant delicious toolbox with which to meet those challenges and easily process, die into them and rebirth from them.  You are truly living with ease.  

All is as it should be.  

Congratulations.  

Love, me 

  

Recall: Dear Me (write a letter to your younger self)

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5minute8Bpencileraser backofanindexcard portrait no.36: @peterbreeze

Over-red: to smear with red. As in Go prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, thou lily-liver’d boy. – Macbeth

Peter Breeze is club kid royalty in Vancouver’s gay nightlife, and has played virtually every nightclub in Vancouver. Peter cranked out a single, “Fuck Talk (Buy Me A Drink),” with local producer Maxwell Maxwell, which caught the ears of DJs from San Francisco to Montreal, has been remixed by artists from Berlin to Australia, and inspired a video which has been on more blogs than Google AdWords. Shortly after the release of FuckTalk Peter came out with Send In The Robots: a new, full-length album even more outrageous and danceable than their earlier work (available on iTunes). With appearances planned in clubs across North America, partygoers everywhere will soon be able to get a taste of the twenty-something wunderboy.