Sacred Contracts Journal Exercise Part 6 of 8: PULL BACK TO THE PAST

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SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES

PART 6 OF 8

PULL BACK TO THE PAST

We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series.  It is inspired by Caroline Myss.  The journal series is  an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along.

Recall Part 1: Future and Present where we took time to look at where we would like to be, and where we are in this moment.

In Part 2: Where are your energy leaks? we focused on our body signals and biography makes biology. 

In Part 3: What Masks Do We Wear? we examined the masks we wear to protect ourselves from being vulnerable.

In Part 4a: What is Your True Nature? we focused on our inner selves.

In Part 4b: Sacred Body we listened to the messages from our bodies.

In Part 5: Throat Chakra, I challenged you to speak your truth.

Today, we go back in time to identify that moment that may have created roadblocks that stop us from flowing forward smoothly.  In keeping with Part 5 and finding our voice, journal out your thoughts as you go back in time and perhaps come across a moment, an incident, that lends itself as the aha! moment- an event that  you feel affected you so profoundly that it shaped how you now walk in the world.

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“The Sacred Labyrinth Walk, Illuminating the Inner Path, is the ancient practice of “Circling to the Center” by walking the labyrinth. The rediscovery of this self alignment tool to put our lives in perspective is one of the most important spiritual movements of our day. ” – sacredwalk.com

My journal entry:

When did I stop vocalizing my needs?  I’ve been thinking about this a lot.  I have been observing my niece and nephew who now flow into their lives so freely, surrounded by love and support and healthy attachment.  

Vivienne (now age 4 weeks) and Henrik (now age 2.8).  Photo by Cher Hanusiak, Fred Thorsen
Vivienne (now age 4 weeks) and Henrik (now age 2.8). Photo by Cher Hanusiak, Fred Thorsen

And though Henrik causes us to feel flustered as he expresses himself freely through his “Terrible Twos,” I am inspired by his vocalization.  His voice resounds freely through his “Incredible Twos.”

It makes me wonder when I lost my ability to express my needs openly, hysterically, fully.  What made me so fully aware that expressing my needs may cause heartache and distress in others?  

I have wondered what it would be like to not be allowed to go through the terrible twos with full vocal force. Last night, I asked myself the question yet again— what made me so fully aware of my parent’s emotions?

My mother’s mother passed away suddenly when I was two.  Mom’s friends have told me how incredibly hard that  time was for my mother.  I wonder what effect that had on my older brother and I.  

I cannot recall a time when I did not consider my parents in any choice that I made.  And if I took the step to make my own decision from the heart- just for me- there would be profound consequences.  Not punishment, but withdrawal or illness or despair.  The one area in which I could be truly free was my art- be it visual art or dance.  

I do not blame my parents.  They did the best they could and- wow- I had an incredible life with them.  But there are lasting legacies I need to address.  To look at, to stir up, to air out, to let go of.  

Incredibly, I have- with practice and encouragement- been able to express my inner most needs with my children of late.  As they are in their late 20s and have done some profound self-work, they welcome my voice and processes.  

My friend Laura tells me that this time of shadows and Dark Night of the Soul is a time where profound healing can take place.  And as I make a sacred contract with myself to truly step into my life with self-worth and power [taking time to gain clarity as to what I want to focus and develop], I honor my parents and let them go.  In certain moments these days, I experience a profound sense of freedom and peace. Truly anything is possible now.

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This is the bath of birth… This is the merge of the small and the large and the outlet again. – Whitman

 

See also:

The Umbilical Cord Part 1

The Umbilical Cord Part 2

The Umbilical Cord Part 3

“I’d rather be whole than good.” – Carl Jung

Sacred Contracts Journal Exercise Part 5 of 8: Throat Chakra

 

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SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES

PART 5 OF 8

THROAT CHAKRA

We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series.  It is inspired by Caroline Myss.  The journal series is  an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along.

Recall Part 1: Future and Present where we took time to look at where we would like to be, and where we are in this moment.

In Part 2: Where are your energy leaks? we focused on our body signals and biography makes biology. 

In Part 3: What Masks Do We Wear? we examined the masks we wear to protect ourselves from being vulnerable.

In Part 4a: What is Your True Nature? we focused on our inner selves.

In Part 4b: Sacred Body we listened to the messages from our bodies.

Today, I challenge you to speak your truth.

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THE FIFTH CHAKRA represents your faith and higher communication. Here is where you discover your inner truth and use your voice to convey it to the world. Organs associated with the Fifth Chakra include the thyroid, trachea, neck vertebrae, throat, mouth, teeth, and gums. Spiritual and emotional issues that can block energy in the Fifth Chakra are the struggles between speaking versus listening, pushing forward versus waiting, and being willful versus compliant… – Dr. Christiane Northrup

 Journal or draw:

Take note of when your voice gets caught in your throat.

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Take note around when and with whom you feel safe to speak your truth.

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Begin the honest dialogue with yourself.  Work towards creating a safe space within your heart and mind so that when you speak your truth with anyone in any context, you allow the emotions and  you simply sit with them.

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Sacred Contracts Journaling Exercise Part 4b OF 8: SACRED BODY

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SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES

PART 4b OF 8

SACRED BODY

We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series.  It is inspired by Caroline Myss.  The journal series is  an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along.

Recall Part 1: Future and Present where we took time to look at where we would like to be, and where we are in this moment.

In Part 2: Where are your energy leaks? we focused on our body signals and biography makes biology. 

In Part 3: What Masks Do We Wear? we examined the masks we wear to protect ourselves from being vulnerable.

In Part 4a: What is your true nature? we listened to our inner selves.

We are getting at what makes us tick.  What makes our heart race- with fear?  With passion?  What is our calling?  What path do we journey along that allows us to live in the flow, fully?  What stream to we rush against?  There is never a full answer.  Or the answer changes, daily, fluidly.  It’s worth taking time to take note.  In keeping with our body signals that we explored in Part 2: Where are your energy leaks?, today I am truly allowing my body signals to guide me.  That includes my dream state and my awake state.

I invite you to journal/draw in the moment, reflecting on the past week, past 24 hours, your latest sleep and examine the messages.

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My journal entry [unedited]: 

I’m feeling headachy, thick-headed. swollen eyes, blurry eyes, focus of energy leaks all around the temple, top of my head.  

Things that come to mind:

Trust, intuition, seeing, eye, the brow, not hiding away, allowing input, observing, visualizing, closing eyes, quiet, sleep, no talking, allowing alone time, reading, visual ingestion, imagination.  

[Where do these body signals sit on the chakra chart?  May as well pay attention!]

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Third eye.  Intuition, intellect, visualization, imagination, reasoning.  Brain, eyes, ears, nose, pineal gland.

A week of 6th chakra- of blurry bleary vision and the cyclical dance of guilt, shame and lack of trust (differing from distrust) culminating in achy heart and headaches and stuffy nose.  Message?

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A wave of melancholy washed over me last night.   It wasn’t the exterior, crushing cut of shame, or the interior acid of anxiety- it was an immersion in a pool of deep melancholy, of missing, of nostalgia.

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It was absolute grief and missing.  I was not anxious about the feeling.  Just… melancholy.  I fell into a sleep stupor.  I dreamt my parents pulled into my garage (their garage?) and I was on my stairs (their stairs?), and they both seemed so unhappy.  They were two broken people and profoundly sad and distant in their relationship.  

Dad came up the stairs first- walking (!) towards me.  Just walking from mom towards me.  

Mom got out of the car and began walking up the stairs too- with a sad look, but weary smile.  

I knew that in my home they could find a refuge.  The air of melancholy lingered.

I found Dad’s day-timer on my kitchen table.   In it he had written It is a good day in each date that had passed.  

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I woke with the exhaustion of having cried profoundly.  The pool of melancholy now in my head.  Inky pool.  No stuff in it.  Just an ink-wash.  Uniform.  

I can dilute it.  Cleanse it.  With clear water.  

What is my body telling me?  It was not my role to make my parents happy, but I made it my role.  And I am hyperly aware of that tendency to play that role.  I am profoundly in touch with savouring my solitary, creative life.  My role is not a role now.  I just am.

The pool flows downward towards my heart.  Cools down and neutralizes the chest and leaks outward through my pores as a bright light.

There are no answers here.  It just is.

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Sacred Contracts Journaling Exercise Part 4a of 8: what is your true nature?

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SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES

PART 4a OF 8

WHAT IS YOUR TRUE NATURE?

We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series.  It is inspired by Caroline Myss.  The journal series is  an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along.

Recall Part 1: Future and Present where we took time to look at where we would like to be, and where we are in this moment.

In Part 2: Where are your energy leaks? we focused on our body signals and biography makes biology. 

In Part 3: What Masks Do We Wear? we examined the masks we wear to protect ourselves from being vulnerable.

Today we examine our true nature.  What is it?

What does true nature really mean?

Is it tapping in to the inner child‘s endless appetite for curious exploration?

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Is it the strength that resides deep within our heart, that resonates with our authentic voice?

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Is it the idyllic peace of enlightenment as we connect fully with the world around us?

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What does TRUE NATURE mean to you?

Write for a few minutes or draw it out.

For me, my true nature is the scared, overwhelmed teenager within that wanders around in the hallways of my brain.  She’s torn and worn, and used and bruised.  And she’s always there wandering.

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But I accept that.  I accept her.  I love her.  She’s what makes me me.  She keeps me on my toes.  She’s in my laughter and in my heartache.  She’s in my tears and in my soul’s eye.  She’s sensitive and creative.

Even if you never consciously grapple with these questions about your true nature, certain circumstances will require you to pay attention. Life delivers you a series of challenges in the form of small and large good fortune, as well as petty and great misfortune. In the struggle to learn how to respond to the resulting joy, pain, and confusion, you are repeatedly challenged to seek and to act from your essence.

Dharma Wisdom

 

Sacred Contracts Journaling Exercise Part 3 of 8: what masks do we wear?

SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES

PART 3 OF 8

WHAT MASKS DO WE WEAR?

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We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series.  It is inspired by Caroline Myss.  The journal series is  an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along.

Recall Part 1: Future and Present where we took time to look at where we would like to be, and where we are in this moment.

In Part 2: Where are your energy leaks? we focused on our body signals and biography makes biology.  

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In this exercise, we look at how we make ourselves visible in the world.  As we address our passion, our calling- we must also address the roles we take on by wearing masks.

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We Wear the Mask
Paul Laurence Dunbar, 1872 – 1906

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile
And mouth with myriad subtleties,

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but oh great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile,
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

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Mask- a covering, a disguise, to prevent, to protect, to conceal, to filter, a pretence, a reflection, a performance, a transformation…

Journal as you contemplate the following questions:

What masks do we wear?

Why do we wear them?

When?

What appearance do we portray to others?

To ourselves?

Do we wear masks to hide what’s actually going on underneath?

Do we wear masks of persona to protect ourselves from judgement?

To maintain a semblance of control in the chaos of life?

Do we wear one mask, or many different masks or many layers of masks?

When do we fully remove our masks?

When are we safe to do so?

Do we create our own masks or are we born with a pre-determined set?

Or does someone else help us make them?

Are masks an avoidance of showing who we really are?

Do masks allow us to approach?

To hide?

Or are they armour?

An adornment?

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20140613-074247-27767115.jpgIt’s interesting that despite the masks- the eyes are exposed. Can we truly ever fully hide who we are? Fully deny that we want to be seen?

The crudest curriculum vitae crows and flaps its wings in a style peculiar to the undersigner. I doubt whether you can even give your telephone number without giving something of yourself. —Nabokov, Nikolai Gogol

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Sacred Contracts Journaling Exercise Part 2 of 8: where are your energy leaks?

 

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Biography becomes biology. – Caroline Myss


SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES

PART 2 OF 8

WHERE ARE YOU ENERGY LEAKS?

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We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series.  It is inspired by Caroline Myss.  The journal series is  an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along.  Recall Part 1: Future and Present where we took time to look at where we would like to be, and where we are in this moment.

In this exercise, I would like you to focus on your body.  Where do you feel your energy leaking in those moments where you experience extreme fatigue, or anxiety, or joylessness, or just plain meh.  Is there a location on your body where you tend to feel more physical symptoms than other parts of your body?  Does the location change?

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Throughout my childhood, youth and marriage, I would be doubled over every evening with severe stomach cramps.  The kids called it mom stomach.  I called it stomach migraines as did many doctors over the years.

As my marriage dissolved and I started searching for ways to cope, I felt comfort in looking at chakra charts.  Myss’s book Anatomy of the Spirit was a life raft during that time.  My mother and I loved discussing Myss’s concept of biography becomes biology.  We explored sources of mom’s arthritis (trust issues she felt), Dad’s bladder cancer, etc.

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Certainly my pleaser-anxious-low self-esteem-caregiver personality searching for my own voice had a lot to do with those evening stomach aches.  What released them was being fully myself in my art and with my two children.

Looking at the drawing I made above (click on it for larger image), I see that teetered between the SACRAL and the SOLAR PLEXUS.

During my coming-of-age and adolescence and sexual awakening, I experienced a recurring and over time aggressive parotid gland tumor that threatened my facial nerve.  To speak, to express.  I longed to have my own voice.  That voice developed fully in my art and as a mother.  And small remnants of the tumor sit quietly.

It’s just plain helpful for self-focus to play with the chakra charts.  Many of you that know me know that I have done YEARS of self-exploration and work.  I am no longer doubled over with stomach aches.

The stress over the past few years (financial, parents dying, career development etc.)  have manifested in different forms and now my most typical focus for my energy leaks is my heart.  20140602-084524-31524209.jpg

That is likely why I developed my esteem heart exercise!  We do not need to fear energy leaks.  We need to listen.  To explore.

So take some time to journal/draw on where you tend to lose energy.  Where your physical ailments are in this moment.

Take some time to focus on your SELF.

Stay tuned for Part 3: WHAT MASK DO YOU WEAR?

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I often channel “Little Enid” by Daniel Clowes when I self-identify/draw myself in my mind maps.

Sacred Contracts Journaling Exercise: Series Part 1 of 8- Future and Present

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Sacred Contracts Journaling Exercise Series

Part 1 of 8

Future and Present

Inspired by Caroline Myss’s book, SACRED CONTRACTS- awakening your divine potential, I am exploring/developing journaling exercises around awakening creative expression and tapping into the magic that makes you flow– that passion that fuels you, that call to action to step up and truly live a fulfilling life.

Have you ever wondered what your mission in life is supposed to be?  … Your Sacred Contract allows you countless chances to grow and change, dependent only on your willingness to pick up the subtle clues and cues that appear along the way.  Dreams, intuitions, apparent coincidences, and “chance” encounters are just a few of the cues that will lead you on the path to genuine transformation.

– Caroline Myss

Some of you may call BULLSHIT.  But hey- does a little magical thinking hurt?  Bullshit can be fertilizer, right?  Fertilizer to encourage growth.

As my sister-friend, Patti, would say- sometimes you have to sit in your own shit to move forward.

STEP 1:

Inspired by Jennifer Lee’s The Right Brain Business Plan, let’s re-explore big-vision visualization and mindmapping.

For 10-15 minutes, write freely about your vision of your fully abundant future and success.  Don’t censor or hold back!  Follow  Jennifer Lee’s BIG-VISION VISUALIZATION SCRIPT (p. 34-36)

This used to be hard for me.  The anxious little girl in me would challenge any positive thoughts I had.  But with practice, I have found it easier and easier.  Now the words flow freely.  Hell, I’m not even embarrassed by it anymore.  TRY IT.

This time I wrote (unedited):

Where do I see myself the future?  Now?  Is it here?  I am fully successful having integrated my facets (my multi-faceted interests and talents) into one vision- awakening creative expression.  This awakening is both in myself and all those around me.  My curriculum development is a huge success locally and globally, bringing in revenue that allows me to live fully and freely and abundantly.  I no longer worry about money as all my ideas, projects and mission/vision have been implemented locally and globally in a sustainable business model that keeps me energized.  I illustrate books.  Molly is a huge success and her story engages the audience fully.  Her story expands into a full colour book at [dream publisher] and I am honoured with speaking engagements, exhibits and awards.  My next books flow easily.  2084 is fully illustrated and a huge success, reawakening the world to the illustrated book.  Anna works globally to engage cities in the BPS vision and we are sought after globally for our curriculum events and art.  We expand easily, keeping the model simple and manageable and sustainable.  I thrive in my airy light gorgeous apartment and work from home.  I wake worry free every morning and love life.  The hard work I have done all my life has led to my current success.  It just expands on itself.  All my bills are paid, my savings account builds rapidly each month, my entire family is thriving and I travel as I like and need and reconnect fully with my roots in Sweden.  I implement and oversee and enjoy watching people expand their lives with my program.

STEP 2:

Now create a mindmap– start with yourself in the centre and without hesitation write in bubbles as you contemplate where you are right now.  It could mean where you are at this very moment or where you are this year and this place in your life.  Write and draw freely, allowing the connections to happen easily.  See where your facets and aspects relate into ONE YOU.

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Stay tuned for Sacred Contracts Journaling Exercise Series, Part 2 of 8: where are your energy leaks?

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“Seeing your life in broad strokes and in bright pieces allows you to redraw…” @carolinemyss

In detecting the emotional charge in your biography, you can begin to see how the fragments of your history have worked together in ways that have affected your past, your present, and the state of your health. This perspective is what I call symbolic sight. Seeing your life in broad strokes and in bright pieces allows you to redraw your conception of your future and fill in the fine, interpretive lines more consciously. Symbolic sight enables you to get back your energy or spirit and heal emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes even physically.

– Caroline Myss

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