Sacred Contracts Journal Exercise Part 6 of 8: PULL BACK TO THE PAST

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SACRED CONTRACTS JOURNALING EXERCISE SERIES

PART 6 OF 8

PULL BACK TO THE PAST

We are tapping into our calling, our purpose, our joy in this SACRED CONTRACTS journal series.  It is inspired by Caroline Myss.  The journal series is  an experiment on my part, and I welcome you to join along.

Recall Part 1: Future and Present where we took time to look at where we would like to be, and where we are in this moment.

In Part 2: Where are your energy leaks? we focused on our body signals and biography makes biology. 

In Part 3: What Masks Do We Wear? we examined the masks we wear to protect ourselves from being vulnerable.

In Part 4a: What is Your True Nature? we focused on our inner selves.

In Part 4b: Sacred Body we listened to the messages from our bodies.

In Part 5: Throat Chakra, I challenged you to speak your truth.

Today, we go back in time to identify that moment that may have created roadblocks that stop us from flowing forward smoothly.  In keeping with Part 5 and finding our voice, journal out your thoughts as you go back in time and perhaps come across a moment, an incident, that lends itself as the aha! moment- an event that  you feel affected you so profoundly that it shaped how you now walk in the world.

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“The Sacred Labyrinth Walk, Illuminating the Inner Path, is the ancient practice of “Circling to the Center” by walking the labyrinth. The rediscovery of this self alignment tool to put our lives in perspective is one of the most important spiritual movements of our day. ” – sacredwalk.com

My journal entry:

When did I stop vocalizing my needs?  I’ve been thinking about this a lot.  I have been observing my niece and nephew who now flow into their lives so freely, surrounded by love and support and healthy attachment.  

Vivienne (now age 4 weeks) and Henrik (now age 2.8).  Photo by Cher Hanusiak, Fred Thorsen
Vivienne (now age 4 weeks) and Henrik (now age 2.8). Photo by Cher Hanusiak, Fred Thorsen

And though Henrik causes us to feel flustered as he expresses himself freely through his “Terrible Twos,” I am inspired by his vocalization.  His voice resounds freely through his “Incredible Twos.”

It makes me wonder when I lost my ability to express my needs openly, hysterically, fully.  What made me so fully aware that expressing my needs may cause heartache and distress in others?  

I have wondered what it would be like to not be allowed to go through the terrible twos with full vocal force. Last night, I asked myself the question yet again— what made me so fully aware of my parent’s emotions?

My mother’s mother passed away suddenly when I was two.  Mom’s friends have told me how incredibly hard that  time was for my mother.  I wonder what effect that had on my older brother and I.  

I cannot recall a time when I did not consider my parents in any choice that I made.  And if I took the step to make my own decision from the heart- just for me- there would be profound consequences.  Not punishment, but withdrawal or illness or despair.  The one area in which I could be truly free was my art- be it visual art or dance.  

I do not blame my parents.  They did the best they could and- wow- I had an incredible life with them.  But there are lasting legacies I need to address.  To look at, to stir up, to air out, to let go of.  

Incredibly, I have- with practice and encouragement- been able to express my inner most needs with my children of late.  As they are in their late 20s and have done some profound self-work, they welcome my voice and processes.  

My friend Laura tells me that this time of shadows and Dark Night of the Soul is a time where profound healing can take place.  And as I make a sacred contract with myself to truly step into my life with self-worth and power [taking time to gain clarity as to what I want to focus and develop], I honor my parents and let them go.  In certain moments these days, I experience a profound sense of freedom and peace. Truly anything is possible now.

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This is the bath of birth… This is the merge of the small and the large and the outlet again. – Whitman

 

See also:

The Umbilical Cord Part 1

The Umbilical Cord Part 2

The Umbilical Cord Part 3

“I’d rather be whole than good.” – Carl Jung

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