Those of you that know me are familiar with my lifelong battle with anxiety.  I’m slowly learning to sit with it and let it be.  It is what it is.  It’s a part of me.  Whatever.

But sometimes it paralyzes me internally and I hate when it picks away at my self-esteem.  It’s an interesting and challenging time right now as I re-invent myself and learn how to self-promote.  I am grateful for the Kickstarter project, for new program ideas and discussions, and yes, for my talent- as all these challenge me to acknowledge my accomplishments and to believe that I deserve success.

So now I need to work on tools to manage the nagging emotions that come up when I do all these promotions!  The dark places I go at times can be conducive to the creative process if I don’t allow myself to stay in the dark.

I should practice what I preach.  Art can heal.  Art can save lives.

I picked up my pad of paper and my favorite china markers just now and drew out the anxiety:

Anxiety can be that 200 pound lead weight on your chest when you wake up in the morning.  It can be that trapdoor at the bottom of your heart where your energy and courage stream out.

There are plus sides though- anxiety can also be the magic that keeps one loyal, focused, empathetic, a hard worker.  It can keep you driven and ironically- hopeful.

The purpose of the design is to unsettle the bee. – Diane Ackerman

Recommended:

Ackerman, D. (1997) A Slender Thread- rediscovering hope at the heart of crisis, New York, NY: Vintage Books

—

This post is dedicated to my nephew, whose heartbeat I heard today.  He epitomizes the beauty of enjoying the moment and the beauty of life’s process.  See you soon, nephew!!!