I will continue to share my incredible weekend in San Francisco (that I spent with my daughter and her friends) through a series of portraits and journal entries over the next week or so.
As I’ve been processing anxiety in my journals, I’ve improved leaps and bounds- I’ve stopped biting my nails, some weird mole just disappeared, my morning wakes are easier. But I do notice that the anxiety is fine tuning itself into isolated panic attacks.
Claustrophobia. UGH. My nemesis since childhood. TORMENT! Combine that with my fear of flying and my flights to and from San Francisco were challenging, to say the least!
I could feel the sweat, the heart palpitations, the tingling limbs. CLAUSTROPHOBIA. It’s hilarious if not tragic. I’ve been getting these panic attacks all my life, but as I wrote, they are definitely fine tuning. And are more intense.
BUT- I get it. I get what it is.
I decided that I could work through it by working like hell in my journal during the attack. It helped! On the way home, I even managed to have a good flight after take off.
CHICKEN SCRATCHES! They got me through. I have NO IDEA what I wrote. But dammit I wrote like hell! Good for a laugh. A nauseous, nervous laugh.
Like most disguises, the coverup was worse than honest flaw. – Lionel Shriver