There is a sanity to grief… given to all, [grief] is a generative and human thing…it acts to preserve the self.
– Kay Jamison
Absolutely drenched. Wrenched. And drenched. I spent the full day with Dad today after his morning procedure when I “could” have been home finishing our manuscript and “should” have been trying to figure out next steps in my career, “should” have been finishing paperwork. The anticipation of losing my father in the midst of trying to finish our book, on top of my work and typical daily stressors like finances has made me crawl to a halt. I come home and fall into bed, and nap. Desperate naps these days. Part of me would love to berate myself for it. To yell, GET ON WITH IT. DEAL WITH IT. But I am dealing, aren’t I? I have to allow this part of the journey as well. Whatever I am doing now, is OK. Whatever it takes to get this book done is what I need to do. And what it takes is reminding myself that a. being in the moment with Dad and then b. allowing the exhaustion of the proper sorrows of the soul, is what I “should” be doing.
And giving myself time to be splendidly imperfect. So I pull out the tool-kit and journal it out…
and treat myself to a sketching session…
Then using my mom‘s advice,” scrub it out” by housecleaning.
Try it. Immerse yourself in difficult moments. Then pull yourself out by journaling, creative activity and keeping house.
My dad’s message to his fans- adjust yourself.