AS I MOVE FORWARD INTO NEW CHAPTERS IN MY LIFE, I HAVE DECIDED THAT IT IS TIME TO FOCUS FULLY ON ME.
IT IS FINALLY TIME TO PROCESS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER AND ALL THE DELICIOUS, SCARY, INTERESTING, HEART-WARMING, DEEEEEEEEP EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS, BLOCKAGES, PATTERNS ETC. THAT COME UP.
FULLY READY. EXCITED.
THE UMBILICAL CORD
Recall PART 1: ACCEPTING THE TASK
PART 2: IDENTIFY THE FIRST MILESTONE
Draw (or photocopy) a baby in the womb. Write stream of consciousness in the nooks and crannies on the image focusing on the theme of the first indication in your life where attachment issues, blockages, patterns etc. may have begun.
My journal entry January 20, 2013 (stream of consciousness):
When I was born I lay between my mother’s legs in the same position she was in. Legs spread ready to give birth. I mirrored her and our connection begun in “wound” deepened [interestingly I wrote wound when I meant to write “womb”]. I was her daughter. She was the mother and all was as it should.
My brother was 4 years older and I’m not sure how he felt about my arrival but I am hoping he enjoyed it.
I was extremely colicky- born with my infamous stomachaches. For three solid weeks I cried with no response to reassurances or backpats. I wonder if this affected my bonds or not. I know my mom loved being a mom and that, with the support of best friends, she did perfectly. She was surrounded by the love of her friends. And she had her mother (and her mother’s siblings). It was a typical 60’s childhood in Sweden. Blissful and traditional.
My mother experienced intense sadness though when she lost her mom suddenly in 1964. I was two. Mom was only 28. I can’t imagine. This was a huge turning point for mom’s confidence. Her needs for healing and connections were not filled by my Dad. Certainly all her girlfriends were there for her. This saved her life.
But I can’t imagine the internal pain Mom was experiencing.
The death of Stina (my grandmother) was the turnaround for mom. Dad pulled away from her when she needed him. He was not capable to support those needs. Mom agreed to move to Canada shortly after my little brother was born.
She did not want to move. But she did want to escape the pain. The family became the rooted oasis she needed.
A woman’s heroic journey always begins in partnership with her mother, the woman from whom she takes the imprint of what it means to be a woman. Her journey picks up speed when she leaves the comfort of the womb and goes through the process of birth. From then on, she must travel through a series of developmental stages that can be likened to a series of wombs.
– Dr. Christiane Northrup, Mother-Daughter Wisdom