I had a wonderful conversation about my San Francisco trip today with my incredible friend, Laura Mack. As always, she managed to ask powerful questions that nudge me to reflect. Did anything happen during the trip that was unexpected? Hmmm…
The art event was amazing- and not unexpected.
The street art filled my soul with glee- expected.
The photoshoots delighted- expected.
Friends, new and old, were amazing- expected.
San Francisco was a dreamland- expected.
Working on business with my daughter seamless and empowering- expected.
But what was unexpected was my lack of anxiety. What was unexpected was that I felt deserving of feeling good.
My journal entry on Noe Street, the Castro, San Francisco August 20, 2013 [unedited]:
What is it like to wake up to a morning in SF with the place to myself? My mind wants to wander to a place of anxiety- yet at the same time my heart feels strangely at peace.
TRUST is a word that comes up regularly in me. I can and will trust that the flow I am feeling is the start of trust or the depths of trust or the familiarity of trust. Have I actually ever felt the theme/emotion/state of trust?
trust- reliance, confidence, strength
I looked around the room last night, as Anna’s friends were bouncing off the ceiling and joyously sharing together, and was touched by how we find ourselves in this cottage apartment in the Castro because of our work together, because of my art.
Is it hard to imagine because I do not allow myself to trust it? Is it hard to allow myself to relax into it because I do not allow myself the time? Is this trip about taking a break or stepping into it?
Such a fascinating time to simply let go of the old “unquiet heart” way of doing things and softening to accepting that I deserve this right now.
Is it hard to imagine because I don’t need to imagine it because I am already living it?!
Money lives in New York. Power sits in Washington. Freedom sips cappuccino in a sidewalk café in San Francisco.
– Joe Flower