I thought my achy body was grief but perhaps it is birth.

Journal entry December 26, 2015

The surprise Christmas release by LCD Soundsystem epitomizes my achy-boned, sentimental, full of love and nostalgia, time to transition Christmas.

I both celebrate and honor and am in awe that this was the first Christmas without both my kids in the same room or even the same town.

I want to acknowledge that.  I refuse to go through life without being profoundly moved by these small miracles of life chapters and development.

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I woke up Christmas morning with just my parrot in the house.

And I loved it.  Because it’s graduation/celebration time.  My daughter in the city she loves.  My son with the love of his life in a snowy wonderland.

And also this TRULY is the first time I feel like I am processing fully my parents in order to celebrate and feel liberated by the life they worked so hard to give me.

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I thought my achy body was flu or grief for my dog.  But perhaps it is a type of birth.  In the hot tub, nose just above the water.

I have loved this Christmas.

Been deeply saddened by it.  Grown into it.   Worn down by it.  Grown with it.

The song is on repeat and I cry, grieve, dance, sing, draw to it and I love it.

 

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