This daily archiving series is about organizing and dating my journal collection, as well as acknowledging the self-directed violence as important therapeutic shadow work. Many moments I have completely forgotten – so it is astounding (and painful) to find them in my journals. And how remarkable to find that the latest three: Samples 15, 16…
Tag: life
Unnecessary Violence- random archiving of my Shadow Work Journals 1986 to present. Sample 1: Oct 21, 1992
My Journals: I was born in 1962 and have kept some form of diary/sketchbook since age 6, but experienced a transformative relationship to my journaling in 1986 when I took Kitty Mykka‘s Creative Process class at Emily Carr College of Art and Design. She called our journals Image/Idea Files – that made sense to me. I now have a…
Bird spotting with a yellow legal pad and a walk in the park.
I walked around Lost Lagoon this afternoon. In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence. ― Robert Lynd I found a heron nest on the ground after a windstorm broke a large tree branch. I saw signs of early Spring. And hope springs eternal. What else did I…
I get this ways sometimes.
Ever get this way? Staring at your to do list, and not moving? Feels like a slow bleed, but the blood is flowing backwards causing a brain sting. I get this ways sometimes. Trying to figure out too many things and struggling with feeling useless and unproductive, even strangely irresponsible, yet knowing I deserve just…
Every stitch a thought- problem solving embroidering drawings.
I’ve got a lot to think about these days. (Not really any different from other days, I guess, but seriously, there is some amazing stuff brewing). To stay on track with massive projects, to dos and ideas racing around in the head, I have found great solace in pulling out embroidered drawings. As I stitch,…
Journal entry April 16, 2018 San Jose Airport
Journal entry April 16, 2018 San Jose Airport [unedited] It is so odd to take time out from the trajectory of every day in these journeys… to get off the tracks so to speak. The experience both relaxes the brain, and creates unease. You feel like you spend too much money and you are wondering about…
Homework- writer’s group: close your eyes…
Journal entry: If I close my eyes, what age do I go back to? Usually I go back to age six. But today as I close my eyes, I am 22, alone, crying, New Year’s Eve, 1984. Though— not quite alone. I am pregnant with Anna. I am scared, crying, in a fetal position on the…
Dream. Letters. Thought and Memory.
I had a terrible dream last night. In the dream, I haven’t been home to visit my parents for four years. In the dream, they are still living at the house on Braemar (the one we moved into in 1977, the one before they downsized in 2004). In the dream, they are both as sick…
What if today, I just NOT worry?
Today I am giving myself the permission to be just in the moment. When fear and worry arise, I will try to let it dissipate without trying to figure out solutions. I give myself permission to just do what I have committed to today. TODAY. I give myself permission to not worry about what…
From the heart- a 15 day journal exercise Part 9: A Commitment to Life
I am re-reading Stephen Levine‘s A Year to Live- how to live this year as if it were your last as a personal exercise schedule to take time to slow down and truly listen to my heart. Recall: Part 1: Catching Up with Your Life Part 2: Practice Dying Part 3: Preparing to Die Part 4: Dying from the Common…
“You’re a piece of shit.” #drawoutanxiety
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My Stanley Park observations find their way into “Molly” at unexpected times
Our usual spring awakening is late this year. I recall a walk around Beaver Lake a year ago… I was infused by the profound beauty of nature. Warm sun. Blossoms. Skunk cabbage. Herons were dancing in the wind above the lake, ducks were courting and playing, chipmunks and squirrels scurrying. Chestnut-backed chickadees and red-breasted nuthatches landed on my…
What the sock pigs taught me…
This past Sunday morning- hanging out on Vancouver Island, my 4 friends and I had a hankering to create sock pigs. There is such magic in sitting around the dining room table at my friends’ house, surrounded by crafting supplies creating. We laugh, we go deep, we eat, we drink coffee, we share time. It…
Routine? No, ROOTine.
The word ROOTine came up for me the other day when I was texting with my daughter who is on a life-changing journey, travelling in SE Asia: Looking back on your life from a mom’s perspective as to when you have felt the most happiest is during developing an idea and planning transitions. When you have gotten…
Release attachment to the outcome…
To feel the anguish of waiting for the next moment and of taking part in the complex current (of affairs) not knowing that we are headed toward ourselves, through millions of stone beings – of bird beings – of star beings – of microbe beings – of fountain beings toward ourselves. – Frida Kahlo I…
A reminder that sometimes it is OK to do less.
I have been slow all day– I am trying to allow myself time to stop without guilt, to allow this feeling of weariness, this reminder that sometimes it is OK to do less. What is this weariness? Yes, I am recouping from a flu and yes, I have many multiple projects going at once, yes…
Three years ago, with shaky hand, I signed…
Three years ago, with shaky hand, but empowered to move my life forward, I signed bankruptcy papers. And my grown children and I signed a lease for a magical apartment in the West End. There have been dark moments since that have terrified me as I processed and struggled, but also so much lightness and so…
Messages from Angels…
I love getting messages from Angels. I just sat down for a spot of tea… and pulled out some creativity books to prep for a session around mission and vision statements. I discovered a tiny envelope inside one of the books containing a gift from one of my mom’s best friend, Jopie. I don’t recall…