This daily archiving series is about organizing and dating my journal collection, as well as acknowledging the self-directed violence as important therapeutic shadow work.

Many moments I have completely forgotten – so it is astounding (and painful) to find them in my journals. And how remarkable to find that the latest three: Samples 15, 16 and 17 (random selections from the shelf) are very connected.

“We can never go back again, that much is certain. The past is still close to us. The things we have tried to forget and put behind us would stir again, and that sense of fear, of furtive unrest, struggling at length to blind unreasoning panic.” – Daphne du Maurier

See:

Unnecessary Violence Project Explanation and Sample 1 Oct 21, 1992

Sample 2 Date Dec 15 1994

Sample 3 May 16, 2000

Sample 4 August 14, 2002

Sample 5 June 13, 1990

Sample 6 August 23, 2019

Sample 7 December 17, 1995

Sample 8 October 23, 1995

Sample 9 September 1, 2004

Sample 10 September 6, 1999

Sample 11 November 6, 1989

Sample 12 October 23, 2001

Sample 13 October 22, 1993

Sample 14 April 20, 2013

Sample 15 January 31, 1997

Sample 16 January 5, 2012

Today: Journal Start Date January 1, 1992

Cover

Sample Pages

Sample Writing

January 6, 1992

Went to Mom’s for the first time since Dec 20. It was an odd experience. Somehow I ended up with a $100 cheque from her and an invoice for the medical insurance of $272.90 from Dad. I was really glad seeing the kids run around, but mom was venomous. Dad seems to want nothing to do with me and very little to do with the children. I don’t think I’d see him again for the rest of my life if it were up to him. Mom was the one that invited me. I don’t exist for them anymore except through my children and their hatred of J____. 

January 24, 1992

Victoria trip tomorrow. First time I’m going on a trip without letting my parents know. 

I am the black sheep.

I am a…

February 7, 1992

Alley Cat Gallery had good things to say about my new dancer series. She interprets them as me coming to terms with myself, being more at peace and I tend to agree. Wants them framed to exhibit on February 11. 

Sample Drawing

Sample Quote

“Those who cut off usually do so because they feel powerless. They think the other person has all the power and they don’t see a way to be themselves in a close relationship with that powerful person.” – Dr. Richard W. Richardson, Family Ties that Bind