An image came to mind today as I walked in the park… An image attempting to visualize both my internal weight and a concept for a simmering project. Tonight’s diary sketch captures partly the final image that I want to develop. I let the lines and watercolour be what they needed to be, without thought, drenching the newsprint in water and laying the drawing between two boards to dry. It was a much needed don’t know mind pause. Not a distraction from what I should be doing but a healing meditation.

Lying in bed now, reading about Robert Lowell, I find that a snippet from his poem Last Night (1973) speaks to both my internal weight and a concept for the simmering project:

I climb the ladder, knowing my last words,

No matter how unjust, no longer matter,

the black marks of my night erased in blood—

wondering, “Why was it ever worth my while?”

Robert Lowell’s portrait (with his reflection on the effects of Thorazine) appears in my creative non-fiction graphic novel, Salt Green Death (Conundrum Press, 2025).

—

Donations welcome!

 E-transfer to britakatarina@gmail.com or use

PayPal QR code:

MUCH LOVE, Katarina