I was down and dark in January- been down and dark before- but this time I was dipping down a little too low. I am blessed that I was able to communicate that to my nearest and dearest and have the difficult conversations and be met with love and support.
I want to be here. To LIVE- fully. To be fully PRESENT. To be gentle, detached, full of love. To bear witness to LIFE/DEATH and all in between. To enjoy being part of the evolution and unfolding of my children’s and extended family’s lives.
But, hey, certain struggles continue- tempt me to dip down.
I found out yesterday morning that my three grant applications for arts based programming were denied.
So what do I do with that?
I acknowledge that my own fears and internal voices come up around the NOW. Tap, tap, tap. Let’s take that dip. How do I make this work? What is wrong with me? Spin spin spin. Block, block, block. Resist, resist, resist.
Well- I refuse this time to let that be a reason to attack myself. It has been my pattern all my life. And I am sick of it!
So instead- I celebrate the heart of those three grant applications and the process spent writing them. And I celebrate the incredible programs that did receive the grants and the life-changing programming they deliver.
And I honor that Universe, spirit, magic, life, whatever, is continuing to steer me in a new more powerful smoother path.
And I can no longer allow myself to block the path with old habits of self-criticizing. So I am getting out of my own way.
IF I RESIST THE “OBSTACLES” THAT WE HUMANS CALL IN, THEN THEY PERSIST. BUT WHEN I EMBRACE THEM, WHEN I SURRENDER TO THEM AND LET THEM BE, THEN EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY CAUSE MORE SUFFERING, THEY WILL INEVITABLY ALSO BRING WITH THEM THE MEDICINE.- Terry Tsipouras
I am allowed to dream, think, plan BIG! Allowed to not just hope I can do this; I am allowed to state I CAN DO THIS. I DESERVE THIS. I AM DOING THIS.
I am on a path- MY PATH. And I am walking it now, surrendering to it, not blocking it.
With the help of some tools of course.
Like the Power Path monthly check in (introduced to me quite awhile back by Patti Henderson, my sweet soul sister). It is a beautiful tool that empowers you, gives some nice simple advice and just helps gather your thoughts.
On March 23, my daughter and I checked in on the Power Path March forecast again and mind mapped it out while we dialogued.
And lo and behold there was the reminder: get out of your own way:
POWER IT UP! FIRE IT UP!
Rather than being consumed by worry, I chose to be curious instead. – Gail Brenner