Journal entry- at Xenia Retreat Centre inside the Sanctuary after walking the labyrinth on December 29, 2014 [unedited]
@ Xenia with Laura. What a treat! Thank you!
She picked me up at 7:10 –> Ferry –> breakfast at Snug Cafe.
My hands now cold, limbs frozen, toes frozen, numb and painful. Reminds of being on the lake in Sweden during Winter 1975 and 1976- skating and skiing with Pappa and Fredrik, toes painful and frozen.
“Ta av skorna. Försök att få blod tillbaka i tårna. Vicka på tårna. Fortfarande kalla.”
So what happened today? This book/diary/sketchbook/journal was begun when I started my Connection and Creativity collaboration with Laura. Now I am back in the sanctuary and ask the question… yes, I can profess, investigate, reflect, beg, recall, invite the question:
What is the question?
As I walked the labyrinth, I repeated the mantra in Swedish: Frågan är… Frågan är… The question is… The question is…
And what immediately came up- despite thoughts of “shoulding” around 2015 plans/ where I am now/ what I need to let go of- what came to me was… family. The question is family.
I knew going into the labyrinth I did not need to dig further. It felt like the labyrinth was tilted downward. Angled in descent. I was walking down hill.
I became hyperly aware of the Viking symbology. As I stood at the centre in silence, eyes closed… the answer came: roots. The answer is roots.
As I exited the centre. I walked out with a new mantra: the answer is roots. Roots. Sweden. Life. Leaves. Trees. Mushrooms. Torpet. Fishing. Ancestors. Sweden. Africa. Family tree. Upward. Downward.
As I worked my way out, the labyrinth now seemed angled in ascent.
So entering into the roots, exiting into the branches of the family tree.
Where do we come from? Where are we going?
BRANCHES: PAST FUTURE
BRANCHES: PAST FUTURE
I want to keep the past alive for the generations to come. Our DNA journey.
I know now I need to translate all the letters my mom wrote to Sweden. I need to read Moberg’s The Last Letter Home. I need to connect/open space to visit Sweden and Africa with my children. To fully sit in BC, where my kids were born, where my parents died. To open to reconnection. New connection to extended family. Can the difficult conversations be helped along through a gentle delicious family exploration?
In a wonderful turn of events, my little brother invited me to work on our storage room on December 31. He had already done a lot of the prep and we spent 12 hours together emptying locker 1022. He then dragged my 400 sketchbook journals, dolls, kids clothes, memorabilia home to my West End apartment. It is time to re-explore those roots.