On the gross creative process, the ugliness, the inner critic, the log jams, the writing…

Log jam.  Log jam.  After feedback FEEDBACK from multiple sources that I should be in the story and I try and try but log jam log jam— Why does the creative process halt when I do that?   I place myself back in the narrative and use first person but get triggered and the inner critic wakes up.  AWAKES.  And I feel gross and numb.

I transcribe a video from 2004- 12 years ago now-

and I am reviewing my research to that point sharing WHAT and HOW I found out what I did- and hey, it’s fascinating as to HOW—

— but I am gross.  Inarticulate. BORING.

Molly– if you are leading the way- HELP ME TRUST AGAIN.  Why can’t I trust that?  I can take the time I need?  But there is no more time.

I put myself back in the narrative… I try to make sense of your thousands of pages of writings.  You really do write like you’re running out of— time. – Eliza, Hamilton the Musical (Lin Manuel Miranda)

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