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Category: Journal
Journal/Image Idea File of the month from private collection.
Saudade waves.
Saudade describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. It often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing will never return. It’s related to the feelings of longing, yearning. I have written about Saudade before. For example: November 3, 2012 SAUDADE: THE EMOTION OF MISSING. #GRIEF…
Protected: Potato Nose Diaries (1977)- Instalment 3: Do Tendu Jetés en Balance
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Protected: Potato Nose Diaries (1977)- Instalment 2: The First Entries
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Protected: Potato Nose Diaries (1977) Instalment 1: Introduction
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Protected: “Potato Nose Diaries- 1977” illustrated weekly instalments start Sunday!
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I can feel the planet churning…
And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul. – John Muir When I am in the forest in Stanley Park, and sit down on the forest floor, I am acutely aware that I am on a sphere. In fact, I swear that I can feel the planet churning. I place…
Journal exercise: find a message in your words
Journal exercise: 1. Identify something that is blocking you from living fully and loving yourself. I chose my goddamn fucking ugly mug. 2. Write for several minutes on the subject or whatever comes to mind. Just let it unfold. “What is really perseverating in my mind is my ugly face. I keep saying it…
Spirit Guide.
I was going to write tonight. Instead I fell down a nap hole and dreamt of a fox. I was going to write tonight about how much I hate my face, but instead looked up foxes and symbolism. And put on a pot of coffee. I was going to write tonight about how I (could)…
Die into life.
I haven’t posted for awhile. That’s not to say I haven’t been writing, drawing, planning, thinking, working. A new job started January 15 and somehow 5 months have sped by. Work has given me a place to land. During that time there have been some exciting new developments… Ah, blah blah blah. Fuck that. I…
What if memories are allies?
Researching a seemingly unrelated subject tonight, I was thrown down into a pit of dark memory of betrayal and attack to my heart. How strange to be reminded of that time, of that sickening anger. How strange to have to grab my own hand and pull myself out of the pit– real quick– for it…
Journal entry April 16, 2018 San Jose Airport
Journal entry April 16, 2018 San Jose Airport [unedited] It is so odd to take time out from the trajectory of every day in these journeys… to get off the tracks so to speak. The experience both relaxes the brain, and creates unease. You feel like you spend too much money and you are wondering about…
Staying in process…
Just when I think– Oh shit, I put myself out there, and now I am all vulnerable and shit and feeling old pangs of, oh shit, what am I doing, where is this going, how will I get there, will it go anywhere, what is this creative career bullshit, shit – a flood of creative process infuses…
When public goes private, do I lose you?
When public goes private, do I lose you? I am so used to sharing my creative process openly– and now I find myself in a new state of being, where in order to discuss and develop the project further, I have to stop sharing it. This is all exciting and unreal– so why do I…
Homework- writer’s group: close your eyes…
Journal entry: If I close my eyes, what age do I go back to? Usually I go back to age six. But today as I close my eyes, I am 22, alone, crying, New Year’s Eve, 1984. Though— not quite alone. I am pregnant with Anna. I am scared, crying, in a fetal position on the…
The second letter. November 5, 1968.
Why when I close my eyes and think about myself at a young age do I find myself immediately at the age of 6? What makes me go back to that little girl? That time? These days I feel tears well up easily. Not of sadness, but of fullness. Today I walked home from the bus…
Writing exercise.
1. Put the timer on for 10 minutes. 2. Write stream of consciousness about whatever- whatever comes out of the pen onto paper. Keep the pen moving. 3. Review your writing- read it out loud. 4. Circle the main words- the words that stand out for you- try for about ten. Ten key words. Trust…
Dream. Letters. Thought and Memory.
I had a terrible dream last night. In the dream, I haven’t been home to visit my parents for four years. In the dream, they are still living at the house on Braemar (the one we moved into in 1977, the one before they downsized in 2004). In the dream, they are both as sick…
Guilty of intent.
One word… come on, Thorsen— just one word… If I am to continue to commit to this artist life, answer to my gift, I must at least scratch out one word a day… just one word. Maybe it is this long winter, or old age, or plain old fatigue from getting up at 5 every…
Friday night check in: effortless action.
Checking in with the Power Path at mid-month: My form of meditation is to mind map it out: My notes from reading the February Power Path show some amazing tidbits that reinforce my newfound practice of neutrality. Relationship with time and fear of not being enough. Ease, clarity, right timing, patience, alignment –> effortless action. Unfold…
Being ace, full of peACE
In October 2016, I wrote: On October 3, 2016 I wrote: Opening up to defining myself as ace and what that means to me feels relieving right now. • I have found my identity that really explains to me who I am now. • Life is fluid and so am I. • Every stage of my life has…
My narrative.
Something new is brewing. This new thing will require that I dig deeper, reveal more and share some things previously unshared. But in order to do that– I need to prepare… Wait. Hold on… [—–] I just deleted a massive amount of verbosity and ramblings. I don’t need to PREPARE. I am…
Secrets and mysteries
Great, invisible stories are being written all around us, every day. The language of the world is full of ineffable secrets and mysteries. – Brian Brett, Tuco- the Parrot, the Others and a Scattershot World Reminding myself to take it all step by step by small step. Be well and be curious as you enter…
Practicing neutrality.
I know anxiety. I know depression. And now it seems these days like I am practicing neutrality. Allowing things to be. Just be. Letting fear crumble through my fingers. Sighing it out. Letting the little bird free. … keep some middle ground of neutrality amidst the chaos to stay out of other people’s drama.– Lena Stevens…
Why do I keep the journals? Is there any value in the pain contained within?
Why have I kept all my journals/sketchbooks? Yes- they are filled with sprinklings of magical memories about raising children- that is definitely the best part. But they are also filled with extraordinary pain, confusion, stupidity… I pull out an old journal from 1991, and sit and smile and laugh as I find little scrawls about…
Perhaps I am simply an explorer. Not seeking answers…
I sit on the 23, heading home… leaning my head against the window. The bus is full. It’s damp outside and damp inside. I have a seat, a warm seat on the left side- I always get a seat as I always get on at the first stop. No need to anticipate and worry about…
Until we meet again… dropping off Asterix
Letting go In order to hold on I gradually understand How poems are made… – Alice Walker Recall September 24, 2017: Well, I did it. Finally. It was time for Asterix’s cremation. I pulled my parrot out of the freezer this morning and placed his wrapped body (decorated with a drawing by my…
Reclaiming the act of creating…
I could sit and wait. Ask myself: how I will get back to that beautiful, exhilarating buzz of creative process and my soul’s work? But why wait? I MUST simply work. Reclaim the act. How? I mind map. I attempt to draw and throw out the results. I return to my crafts. I allow the…
The crown ripped away. Journal musings.
My head hurts. Not the inside of my head. The outside. The muscles on top of my skull. The ligaments. I sat under a young tree yesterday and leaned my head back and my head was and is tender, so tender. I swear my skull has changed shape in the past few years- at the…