Recall My Big Vision and Mission for 2018:
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. – Carl Jung
This vision board has stayed on my bathroom shelf all year as a daily check in. And as I reflect on a year that just sped by, much faster than expected, I feel the greatest gift of this past year is that I found an ability to speak my truth (out loud). Even if my voice shook.
In 2018, I came to understand that my core value is TRUST- to be trusted that I know what I am doing. And I have been challenged in this regard both by myself and by others many times this past year. Even today. Even in this moment, As I encounter(ed) and work(ed) through those challenges, I hear(d) myself (not perfectly, mind you, and not always in the most succinct way) speaking up.
Inktober was life changing. Bringing me into a deeper creative process- allowing me to experiment with colour and narrative.
Molly has been in hiding (as some producers took a stab at her) but I am “taking her back” and my life’s biggest creative project now enters a new draft, a new creative process. I hear the voices of the ghosts again and a sense of emancipation flows through the work. (And a relaunch is imminent)
I explored my 1977 diary on the blog and though I haven’t been working on it of late, being too busy with my bread and butter work, I had a great sense of peace working on it. A pure comic book version is the ultimate goal.
I simplified this past year. Savoured family. Visited San Francisco. Twice. Here at home, I retreated from invites. Staying in with the cats. Working, constantly working.
I pulled an angel card before I started writing here, asking for a message as to how I should approach working on my Vision for 2019:
The card is blank.
We have to be willing to accept that “drawing a blank” to our questions is sometimes the very best response we can receive. It calls for us to look inward for the truth and access our own authentic power instead of looking to others to tell us what to do or think. – Angela Rider
So as I have been reflecting on the year in the last month, one word keeps circulating in my mind for 2019: COURAGE.
courage (n.)
c. 1300, corage, “heart (as the seat of emotions),” hence “spirit, temperament, state or frame of mind,”from Old French corage “heart, innermost feelings; temper” (12c., Modern French courage), from Vulgar Latin *coraticum (source of Italian coraggio, Spanish coraje), from Latin cor “heart” (from PIE root *kerd- “heart”).
Meaning “valor, quality of mind which enables one to meet danger and trouble without fear” is from late 14c. In this sense Old English had ellen, which also meant “zeal, strength.” Words for “heart” also commonly are metaphors for inner strength.
In Middle English, the word was used broadly for “what is in one’s mind or thoughts,” hence “bravery,” but also “wrath, pride, confidence, lustiness,” or any sort of inclination, and it was used in various phrases, such as bold corage “brave heart,” careful corage “sad heart,” fre corage “free will,” wikked corage “evil heart.” – SOURCE
Why this word?
I have become more and more aware of when the anxiety arises within me. When the floor opens up and I fall through.
And a journal entry at the airport on my way to an extraordinary adventure in San Francisco clinched the work I need to do in 2019:
That question often came up this year– what happened to my courage? Asking myself that question actually kicked my ass into motion even though anxiety feels like a cheese grater scratching at my heart.
Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.” – Brené Brown
And so-
I will use my own esteem heart exercise:
And focus on the word COURAGE as a tactile connection to my 2019 Vision.
Head up. Straight back. Panic arising? Yell- BRING IT ON!!!
Speak. Speak UP!
Listen. Carefully. Mindfully.
And create. Create. Create.
—
Anytime you write something, you go through so many phases. You go through the ‘I’m a Fraud’ phase. You go through the ‘I’ll Never Finish’ phase. And every once in a while you think, ‘What if I actually have created what I set out to create, and it’s received as such?’
– Lin Manuel Miranda
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